Embracing Emotions With Leslie Lindsey Davis Blossom Your Awesome Podcast

Embracing Emotions With Leslie Lindsey Davis Blossom Your Awesome Podcast

Leslie Lindsey Davis, acclaimed inspirational speaker and best-selling author of “You Can’t Eat Love,” "The Journey From FAILing to HEALing," and the upcoming "What Color is My Shirt: Trusting Your Emotions," is a transformative force for your podcast. With her impactful message centered around embracing emotions, cultivating self-love, and fostering healthy relationships,

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Transcript

Sue (00:00.724)
Hi there, today on the show, we have got Leslie Lindsey Davis here with us. I am so honored and delighted to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (00:10.686)
Oh Sue, I had been looking forward to this conversation since you reached out to me and said, let's have this conversation. I'm so excited to get to talk to you because oh my gosh, who doesn't need to blossom their awesome? I love that. I don't even know how you came up with it. I was trying to find the podcast that told me how you came up with blossoming your awesome. And I'm so going to steal it if that's okay. Of course I'll give you credit.

Sue (00:38.446)
Yes, absolutely. And that really, I think, you know, it's just, it's one of those things where I believe we all have awesome inside of us. And you and I here together, your expertise and doing this work that I do, talking to amazing people like yourself, we can help others blossom that awesome that's already in there. So looking forward to this conversation now, Leslie, you are an

Inspirational speaker and a best -selling author, your book, You Can't Eat Love. I just love that title. Now give us the backstory how and why you got into this line of work, and then we'll get into the specifics.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (01:22.878)
Well, you know, like so many people, I hit a point in my life where I realized I could go one of two directions. I could either keep going the way that I was going and it was going to end up in not very good place, or I could decide to get healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. And I chose to get healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. Now,

Sue (01:23.252)
Thank you.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (01:45.758)
I also tell people if I had known how hard it was going to be to get healthy mentally and emotionally, I don't think I ever would have gone on the journey. Never. But because we never know what we don't know until we're looking back, that's why they say hindsight is 20 -20. I ended up going on the journey.

And now I am so passionate about helping other people get to know their very best friend in the whole wide world. But more importantly, I am so passionate about helping people learn to identify and become friends with their different feelings and emotions because it's in that work, in that time, in that conversation that we really become our true selves.

And I like to ask people, I'm rambling and I do apologize for that, but I'm just so passionate about this. Sue, how many times have you told somebody how you were really feeling and you went on and on and you were just so, just so effusive in your feelings and their response to you was, you shouldn't feel that way.

Sue (03:03.378)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (03:05.854)
Yeah. Do you remember how you felt when they said that? Do you remember that tension that built inside of you? How'd that feel?

Sue (03:15.924)
Yeah, yeah, not a good feeling. I know all about this. So now I want to ask you something, something I want to touch on really quick that you said that I just absolutely love befriending your best friend, you. I love that because so often we look outside of ourselves for our best friends, but this idea that we can be our own best friend.

And this is where your healing journey began by befriending yourself. So give us that back story there. Like, was there something that happened? What was there an epiphany when you said, Hey, look, I've got some things I have to address. Let me start going inward and healing myself.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (04:06.174)
Well, the thing that happened was I felt like nobody was listening to me. And so many of us feel that way. And in truth, you know, in truth, I'm guilty of this. When we are struggling with something, we tend to keep going over and over and over and over. And it's about all that we want to talk about. And people get tired.

Sue (04:15.028)
Thank you.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (04:30.75)
And one day I was really needing to get the conversation out of my head and I grabbed a pen and piece of paper and I just started writing. And what I suddenly realized is I was having a conversation with myself and I felt so much better when that conversation ended because someone actually took the time to listen to me. And...

when I would write about what I was feeling, the response from myself in writing was, well, why wouldn't you feel that way? And then a little bit later, of course you feel that way. So I was acknowledging my own feelings, my own emotions, my own whatever in that situation. And I said, you know, this feels really good. But then I kind of set it aside.

until we get close to Valentine's Day back in 2016. And I was at the store and I was looking at Valentine cards and I said, that's a card that I'd really like to get from somebody. And I put it down and I walked off and myself said, why don't you get it and send it to yourself?

I was like, oh, okay. So I went back and I picked up that almost $5 Valentine card, put it with my groceries, brought it home, put the groceries away, sat down and wrote a letter to myself telling myself how awesome I am, how wonderful I am and all of these things. And then I set it aside in the calendar, in my calendar until Valentine's Day arrived and I opened it up.

and the feeling that I had was so indescribable, really indescribable.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (06:24.158)
and I still have that card and I've added to that card every year I get myself a Valentine's card. Sometimes I need a card in between, but now what I do is I write three pages in a notebook, not a giant 8 1⁄2 by 11 notebook, but a 6 by 8 notebook. Every morning I have a three page conversation with myself to talk about what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, what's going on, to work out all of those things and I...

And I always say to myself, well, of course you feel that way. Why wouldn't you? And I'm honest with myself about what I'm feeling. And what I realized was I no longer was desperate for other people to listen to me because I was listening to myself.

Sue (07:14.676)
Oh, that is so powerful. I just love this and it's so visceral how you share. So, where did you come up with this three page thing?

Leslie Lindsey Davis (07:26.43)
Well, I had started just writing in a notebook and then I was listening to a podcast and I heard Hal Elrod talking about Miracle Morning.

And I liked all of his ideas that he has for Miracle Morning, but the only one that I felt like really applied to me or would work possibly for me was writing three pages. So I committed to writing three pages for 30 days. Well, that was back in 2017. And here we are fast forward to 2024 and I'm still doing it.

So every day I write three pages and talk about whatever the heck it is I want to talk about. Now the main thing is I do not reread what I write. And the number one reason I don't reread what I write is unlike this conversation that we're having, if you and I were simply sitting in a coffee shop having a conversation, nobody would be recording it.

And so you would not be revisiting it. So since I'm having these conversations with my very best friend in the whole wide world and they're not being recorded.

I don't reread them. The purpose is not for me to reread or reflect. The purpose is for me to have the conversation, to get the noise out of my head, to work out what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, to also celebrate. I do a lot of celebrating. Wow, look at you. Look what you did. That's so amazing. I do a lot of celebrating. So it's not just all whining and whinging. There's a lot of celebrating too. But then I close them up, put them away. When I run out of pages in the book,

Leslie Lindsey Davis (09:08.528)
I'd file it away in my closet and one day my kids are going to find all these notebooks. They're going to have proof that their mother really is crazy. But in the meantime, in the meantime, every morning I look forward to my conversations with my very best friend in the whole wide world, me.

Sue (09:26.516)
Oh my goodness, I truly, I mean, Leslie, this is, you know, we talk about self care and self love, but you just really kind of bring it to another level. You know, this idea of really embracing this idea that you don't need validation from others. You don't have to go share these hurts and things with others. It's more about acknowledging.

the emotion, right? More than it is validation from someone else acknowledging it. It's just acknowledging it for yourself kind of sets off the ability and opportunity to heal.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (10:05.406)
Exactly, exactly. And truthfully, even if you handed somebody a script, complete with gestures and facial expressions and all of that kind of stuff, tone, everything, if you handed someone a script so that they could read and gesture and, you know, emote whatever the heck it is that you wanted them to emote in that moment, you would be disappointed because they wouldn't do it the way that you wanted it done.

And then you would forget all about what you were feeling because suddenly you'd be feeling something else. You'd be feeling, you know, all those other emotions that we don't need to go into. But you still would have whatever the heck it was inside of you that would be unresolved. So when I started having those honest and I emphasize honest, when I started having those honest conversations with myself, I started feeling heard.

I started feeling as if my emotions were valid. I started feeling as if I could work through the situation and I would come up with solutions and those hamsters would get off the wheels and I'd send them back to the pet market. And isn't that what we'd really want? And then I was able to take care of other people.

Sue (11:26.548)
Thank you.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (11:30.366)
I was able to hear what other people were having to say. I was able to listen to their struggles. I was able to sit quietly and not leap in and one up the person. How many times have you talked to a person who has to one up you? Oh my gosh. I had a small fire in my backyard. Well, you know what? My entire mansion burned down. You know, I could, no, no, no, no.

I can sit and listen quietly and I can say to the person with sincerity, I can only imagine how you're feeling. Or, of course you feel that way. And then the conversation is totally different. And I walk away knowing I did my best. I didn't need for them to hear all of my stuff. They needed me to hear theirs. And I'm satisfied.

Sue (12:20.54)
I know this is so powerful. And you know, this idea of validating people in that way by, of course you feel that way. It's almost like offers instantaneous healing really, because you just feel so validated and so heard without having to reaffirm your emotions or explain yourself or any of that. That's so powerful and so beautiful. I just love it.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (12:36.178)
Mm.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (12:47.998)
and you don't have to mirror it back, you know, all that mirroring and... No. No.

And isn't that what we want? We want to know that our emotions are valid because most of us have been told from the time that we were a little bitty. When we feel something, well, you shouldn't be feeling that way. You know, I'm mad that Suzy got a bigger bike or a bluer bike than I got. Well, you shouldn't feel that way. You shouldn't be mad. You know, you should be grateful that you have the bike that you have. Well, the truth is, and this is why I emphasize, be honest with yourself when you're riding.

The truth is we really are mad that Suzy got a bluer bike than we did. But when people tell us you shouldn't be feeling that way, then it's like, OK, so now what do I do with this feeling? And I say to people telling someone that they shouldn't feel something is as if I'm saying to you, Sue, your shirt is not black, it's really pink.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (13:52.894)
And when we are listening to people that we know, like, and trust, and that we believe want only the best for us, we start doubting ourselves. We start doubting our internal signals, our internal systems that are telling us the truth. So when I say to myself, of course you feel that way. It doesn't matter if somebody else is telling me I shouldn't feel that way.

And what I do in those instances now is I visualize their words falling on the floor with a thud and a splat and all that mess falling back on their shoes. And I simply stand there very quietly and say to myself, I know what I really feel and it doesn't make any difference what they think about what I'm really feeling.

Sue (14:43.252)
That is so powerful because so often when we don't get what we need from others, when we're sharing our feelings, it feels like such a betrayal. When you're close to somebody, you love someone and whatever that relationship is dynamic, but they don't acknowledge you in the way you need to be acknowledged. Right. Right.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (14:55.942)
Yeah.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (15:07.454)
in the way that you want to be acknowledged. Yeah. Yeah.

Sue (15:12.436)
Yeah, oh, I love that. That's so powerful. Now talk to us about the book and the title of the book and help us understand that. Where did that come from? Give us that, those details.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (15:23.934)
Well, my mother died, now it's been almost 40 years. And I had a baby two weeks after she died. So I never grieved for my mother and I did not know how to grieve. Well, flash fast forward to about 2017, 2018, I was decided that for Mother's Day, I would honor my mother by making a chocolate meringue pie that we always made in our family.

And the day after Mother's Day, I cut a piece of the pie and I sat there and I was eating the pie and these words just started tumbling in my head. So I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen and I started writing what is now the first three to four paragraphs of You Can't Eat Love.

And the epiphany that I had in that moment was I was remembering my grandmother, I was remembering my grandfather, I was remembering my father who had died at this point in time. I was remembering all these people who were gone, but most especially I was remembering my mother. And then it occurred to me, you can't eat love. The love is in the memories.

The love is in the sounds, the love is in all the visuals and all that stuff. The love is not in the eating.

The love is in the other stuff. And it was just so liberating to understand that even though I was sitting there eating this chocolate pie that I was hoping would kind of connect me back to my mother, that's not where the love was. The love was in remembering about the making of the pie, the rolling of the crust, the beating of the egg whites. That was where the love was.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (17:10.558)
And I said, you can't eat love. And I wrote that down. And three years later, it became the book, You Can't Eat Love. And that book is the journey that I went on to learn to love myself. And as the subtitle says, changed my relationship with food. And as a consequence, food lost its power.

and I was able to not only lose but keep off about 100 pounds.

Sue (17:41.212)
Mm -hmm. And talk to us about this idea, because it's so common, so much more common than we imagine people, you know, the emotional eating. So many people turn to food to repress emotions, to grieve, whatever that is, you know, binge eating after a breakup, whatever that looks like for you. At what point...

Leslie Lindsey Davis (18:04.478)
But it's... Go ahead.

Sue (18:08.372)
Did you decide you were going to help people with this? And I want you answer that, but tell you were going to say something. It's you were going to say something.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (18:16.67)
The problem that I recognized and I didn't recognize it until I had that moment is so many of us when we are afraid or not given permission or not taught how to feel our real emotions, the tension builds inside of us and we have to do something to release that tension.

I don't know if you've ever bitten your fingernails or you know people who have bitten their fingernails. I recognized much later in my life because I shredded my fingernails. That was my way that I learned from being very young. That was how I released tension. But when I got older, the way that I would stuff down those crazy feelings and things is I would eat.

because then I could feel shame and guilt and I was really good at shame and guilt. I could handle shame and guilt. It was sad, it was, you know, grieving, it was all the other stuff I couldn't handle. But I could handle shame and guilt. So...

I say to people now, and the reason I started helping people was people started saying, your message is so powerful, but not only that, you come at this from a totally different angle from anybody else that I've ever heard. What you say to me in about one or two paragraphs makes much more sense than the 20 or 30 years of therapy that I've done. So it's kind of by accident that I'm now...

speaking and helping other people. And I do some one -on -one work, but I prefer to do one to many than one -on -one because my book is one -on -one. But.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (19:56.542)
I'm on a mission, as I said at the beginning, to help people learn to become friends with themselves first and their emotions second so that we can all be emotionally healthy people. Emotions are healthy. That's what's so crazy. But we run around telling people you shouldn't feel that way. You shouldn't feel that way. Well, so how am I supposed to feel? Because when you tell me that, all I feel is

is tense and angry and I have to do something with this feeling.

Sue (20:33.428)
And now let me ask you, so, you know, people tell you, God, this really helped me or your methodology or the way you go about this. What do you think it is? Like, what are you tapping into here? What's different?

Leslie Lindsey Davis (20:48.432)
I use stories to convey my points and I think it's the way that I tell the story that people can relate to it.

For example, in the book, I talk about, and this applies to any aspect of your life, something that you're trying to do that's difficult. I talk about driving down the freeway. You lived in San Francisco and you lived near the big cities and things like that. So tell me, when was the last time you were stuck in a traffic jam that you just parked your car on the side of the road and you walked home?

Did you ever do that? Okay, but when you were stuck in that traffic jam, you did something else to take your mind off the fact that you were stuck in a traffic jam. You phoned a friend, you changed radio, you did all kinds of things, but the one thing you did not do was park that car, get out, and walk home, correct?

Sue (21:27.348)
No, it's just too far, but I've thought about it.

Sue (21:49.66)
Mm -hmm.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (21:51.422)
Well, when people go on diets or they decide that they want to lose weight, oftentimes they'll run into what I call roadblocks.

And I asked them, and I asked the very question, you know, when was the last time you were on the freeway? I lived 30 miles west of Houston. You know, I know about traffic jams. I said, when was the last time you, you know, you parked your car and you walked home? I said, well, I never did. I said, so why is it that you hit this little bump in the road on your journey to losing this weight and you've just parked your car and walked home?

Well, I didn't do that. I said, yeah, you did. You know, but when we give up on the things that matter to us, it's almost as if we are parking our car, getting out and walking home. We're giving up on that dream. Right. So I think that that's the big difference between me and so many other people. I tell these relatable, rememberable, that's probably not a word, but that's OK, stories. And they get it.

Sue (22:51.804)
of you.

I love that. That's so powerful. Now talk to us about identifying. Do you have practical tips? What some practical guidance you can offer people who are stuck and struggling in learning how to honor or identify emotions. You know, so many people struggle with even acknowledging stuff. Because like you say, we're so used to people just brushing things aside for us.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (23:24.026)
Well, the way that I even discovered that I felt something other than mad or sad was I was tracking what I was eating and I observed, and this is what I would say to somebody if they were to ask me that question, is there something in your life that you're trying to change? Okay, let's identify what you're trying to change. Let's start tracking.

Sue (23:24.404)
Thank you.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (23:47.998)
that thing that you're trying to change. Let's start paying attention to what's going on. And what I realized when I was honestly tracking what I was eating, I'd eaten a whole thing of Oreo cookies, a whole bag of Ruffles potato chips with a whole thing of onion dip. And as I'm writing that down, I said, wait a minute, what was going on that you thought that this was the only way to relieve that tension?

And so I would say to somebody, if you're struggling with trying to make some adjustments in your life and you feel yourself being pulled towards your quote unquote drug of choice, whatever that is, or your behavior of choice, pause, get a pen, get paper, have some readily available and ask yourself the question, what's really going on right now? And so many times we will discover that this moment right now,

is reminiscent of something that happened in the past, way past, and this is the behavior that we learned in order to accommodate the feelings of tension and discomfort and rage and all of those other things.

And so when we start asking ourselves, what is really going on right now? What is it that I'm trying to avoid and do it in writing so that you don't have the hamsters going in your head? Then you'll start uncovering what you're really feeling. I'm not saying go dive into the middle of an Olympic swimming pool and try and swim 30 laps. All of a sudden, you're at Michael Phillips speed. Don't do that. We're peeling an onion very, very slowly, very slowly. So.

Be gentle with yourself and just ask what's really going on and maybe you don't want to hear the whole answer at first and you know what? That's okay. That is okay. Just remember to say to yourself, well of course you feel that way. Why wouldn't you?

Sue (25:51.74)
Mm -hmm. That is really great guidance there. And like you say, it's, you know, writing that down and asking yourself, because so often we don't realize that the reaction in this moment is a trigger from the past.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (26:09.758)
Exactly. Exactly.

Sue (26:11.924)
the phone.

And now one of your things that I just love is helping people celebrate all of the wins in life. I think that's so powerful and so we spend so much time focused on those failures and hardships and challenges and struggles. And so very little time celebrating wins. Give us some insights there on that.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (26:37.694)
The reason that I started celebrating all the wins was because I was tired of beating myself up. I mean, that's the simple answer. To expand on that, I read a book called, Don't Shoot the Dog. It is not about shooting dogs, it's about training animals.

And the truth is successful animal trainers reward and celebrate behavior they want to continue and they ignore behavior they want to stop. Now think about that for a moment. If we as human beings were to celebrate and acknowledge the things that we want to continue, the thing, the behaviors, the thought patterns, all of that, that we want to continue.

and we ignored the stuff that we didn't want to continue, think how much easier it is to shift where you are looking. For example, you have the kid in the class, everybody has one, the kid in the class that's always disrupting the class, his brain does not know a negative payoff from a positive payoff. All his brain knows is that he gets a payoff. We...

we operate the same way. So if we start ignoring the stuff that we want to stop, we just, let's say we make a not so great choice. There are no bad choices. There are good choices, great choices, not so good choices. If we make a not so good choice, we just ignore it. We say, you know what? It happened. Oh, well, let's move on.

And then let's say for example, we, um, what was it that I did earlier today? Oh, I got the dishes done before nine o 'clock this morning. I was like, wow, that's great. Awesome. Amazing. I did not focus on all the days like the day before when I was doing them at five 30 in the evening.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (28:37.278)
No, I focused on, I did those dishes before nine o 'clock this morning. That's amazing. And it shifts how we feel because then we start looking for more. We want more of those good feelings. Our brain craves those, those feelings and it does not know the difference between good and bad. It doesn't know the difference. So we make the choice. Let's celebrate all the good.

and ignore anything that we really don't want to continue. Big or small, I don't care how big or small it is, celebrate it.

Sue (29:07.868)
Mm -hmm.

Sue (29:13.752)
That is great. And now another thing here, Leslie, you, I just love this. You say, I am believing you are enough until you can believe it for yourself. You know, that self -worth component, self -love, self -care, words so always neglecting ourselves. Talk to us about this.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (29:36.304)
Well, I realized when I was really struggling, when I felt like I was at the bottom of the Marianas trench, I was so depressed that medication was not enough. There wasn't enough medication in the world. I just wanted somebody to believe in me. And as I went on this journey to learn to love myself and to become my very best friend, I said, you know,

Sue (29:37.172)
Yeah.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (30:05.086)
There's another Leslie out there that just needs to know that somebody believes in her. And so I started telling people, you know, you are enough. And they say, oh, no, I'm not. And so I say, you're enough and I'm gonna believe it for you until you can believe it for yourself. I just want people to know they are enough exactly as they are in this exact moment.

They don't need to be any more than what they are in this exact moment. They are enough. And if they cannot believe it for themselves, I'm sitting right here. I will believe it for them until they are ready to believe it for themselves.

Sue (30:50.036)
I absolutely love that. And you know, it's these little things where that's almost all people need. They just need someone to say that to them, right?

Leslie Lindsey Davis (30:57.918)
Exactly. Exactly.

Sue (31:03.54)
Wow. And give us some advice here for people who are stuck and struggling. If there were just one piece of advice, what can you say to that person right now?

Leslie Lindsey Davis (31:15.198)
What I would say is find a notebook, not an 8 1 1 by 11. Find a notebook any size other than 8 1 2 by 11 or just grab some sheets of paper.

and start having written conversations with yourself and start out by telling yourself how amazing and how awesome you are and how much you love yourself and how grateful you are for the choices and the the choices and the failures and everything that has gone in the past that has gotten you to where you are and just tell yourself how amazing you are and then tomorrow

do the same thing, and I challenge you to do it for 30 days and see if that doesn't help you begin to head in the direction that you want your life to go in.

Sue (32:06.836)
That is so powerful. Now tell us what is coming up for you the rest of this year. What are you working on? Are there any other books? What does that look like for you?

Leslie Lindsey Davis (32:17.346)
Well, back at the end of the year, I published the backstory to You Can't Eat Love, and the backstory is called The Journey From Failing to Healing, and it's about how first attempts in learning can lead to healthy emotions and loving yourself, the fail and the heal.

So it's a collection of different things that I did to get myself on this road. And I wrote those all back in 2016, 2017, but I didn't publish them until recently. And currently I am working on the book I call What Color Is My Shirt?

and it's trusting your emotions because I realize more and more part of our problems with our mental health these days and depression and suicidal thoughts and tendencies and all of that is we are not feeling heard when it comes to our emotions. But more importantly, we're not trusting our own emotions because as we talked about earlier, we've been told so many times you shouldn't feel that way or our.

our feelings have been minimized by other people. So I'm working on what color is my shirt to help other people learn to trust their emotions. And let's see if we can't improve some of the mental and emotional health in our country and the world.

Sue (33:40.724)
I love that, Leslie. Now, okay, so a couple of things. First and foremost, I just want to thank you for your time today. You've had so many powerful insights and I know people are gonna have so many great takeaways from all of what you've shared.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (33:56.574)
Well, Sue, this has been an absolute pleasure. Like I said earlier, I've been so excited to talk to you because what you are doing is incredible.

Sue (34:07.476)
Oh, you are a doll. I love that. And it's linking up with people like you that makes it so incredible. You know, it's your insights, your expertise sharing this with others. It's I just love it. Now, in closing, you've already said so many amazing things. I'm going to be sure to have a link to all of the to your website and to your stuff for people. But in closing, if there were one message you want to leave us with, what is your hope for everyone? What is that closing message?

Leslie Lindsey Davis (34:38.206)
It's the same closing message I always have. You are enough exactly as you are. And if you don't believe it, I will believe it for you until you are able to believe it for yourself.

Sue (34:39.412)
So, I'll see you guys later.

Sue (34:53.46)
Oh, that is such a powerful closing message. You have been so awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Leslie Lindsey Davis (35:01.244)
Thank you Sue.