Blossom Your Awesome

Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Perseverance With Richard Flint

May 22, 2023 Sue Dhillon Season 1 Episode 135
Blossom Your Awesome
Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Perseverance With Richard Flint
Show Notes Transcript

Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Perseverance With Richard Flint

Episode #135 of the Blossom Your Awesome Podcast welcomes Richard Flint. Richard is an author of 19 books, a speaker who is in front of more than 200,000 people each year. He is a retreat leader and a coach who helps people find their passion and purpose irrespective of the hard things and challenges life throws at us.

If you'd like to learn more about Richard you can check him out at his website here.

To see more of my work  - blossomyourawesome.com

My YouTube

https://blossomyourawesome.com/mindfulness-1

Where I write and cover mindfulness and other things to help you Blossom Your Awesome.

Or follow me on instagram where I post fairly regularly and ask an inquisitive question or two weekly in hopes of getting you thinking about your life and going deeper with it.

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Sue Dhillon:
Hi there, today on the show, Richard Flint is here with us. I am so honored and delighted to have you here. Thank you so much. Welcome to the show.

Richard Flint:
I've been waiting for this Sue. I enjoy what I've learned about you and as I was telling you, I love the name of your show. I just, because everything in life when it grows it blossoms. So I love the name of the show and the image that it creates.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my God, I love that and that means so much to me. Thank you so much. And as you know, I mean we're in alignment here because this is what you do for a living. You help people blossom. You're awesome. So give us some of the back story here. Give us, let's start with your story. And you're an author of 19 books. I mean you do lead retreats. You're a speaker. You do so much amazing stuff. But let's start with that back story.

Richard Flint:
Well, all of us have a story. And the challenge with most people, and I've spent 35 years working with human behavior. In fact, I was on the phone this morning for almost an hour with a young lady that's going through some really crisis in her life right now. And she's blaming herself. And what happens with so many people is they never free themselves from the messages of yesterday. And... You and I, we either live from yesterday to today or today to tomorrow. And if I live from yesterday to today, then I surround myself in a world of doubt, worry, and uncertainty, which will paralyze me. If I live from today to tomorrow, then what happens is I live with belief, trust, and faith. And so my transition in life was getting away from doubt, worry, and uncertainty and creating that foundation, that stage, that platform. where I could look in the mirror and tell myself, I believe in me, I trust me, and I have the faith that there is a better pathway for it for me. So let me tell you a little bit about me. I was born in New Orleans. If you ask me about my natural dad, if you could see my birth certificate, there's no name on it. I have no idea who my father was. The only thing I really know about my mother was that she was a prostitute in New Orleans. And I was the result of a one-night stand that she had with whoever my dad was. And when I was basically two weeks old, I was adopted into a home. And I found out years later that the only reason I was adopted was because my adopted dad wanted a son. And you know, found out through many different ways that my mother never wanted me. I have three sisters. None of us are real brothers and sisters, but I was put into a home that from the very beginning of my thought process and my, my memories go back to the age of six and The thing that I remember the most about my childhood is that my mother made it very apparent to me that she did not want me in her house. And so there wasn't probably a day of my life from the age of six to the age of 16 that my mother didn't make one of three statements to me. She would tell me that I was the stupidest kid she'd ever met in her life. And you and I know parents don't lie. So if a parent says that, then it must be true. Or my mother told me that I would never amount to anything in life. And the one that probably had the biggest emotional effect on me was when my mother told me, my best day will be the day when you're no longer in my house. And I'm sorry we ever adopted you. When I was 12 years of age, we moved from. New Orleans to Oklahoma where my dad had relatives. And we were in Ardmore, Oklahoma. When I was 15, my mother made it apparent to me and told me that if I was to live in her house, I had to pay room and board. Not because we needed the money, but that was my mother's way of exercising control. And my mother had to have control. You did not go against my mother. So I found a job in a local IGA grocery store. And I would work there five days a week. And, you know, on every night I would call my dad at nine and he'd come pick me up.

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
I'd been

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
16 for two weeks. And I called my dad on a Thursday night to come get me and dad drove up in front of the grocery store and I started to walk toward the car just like I always did, Sue. And my dad opened the car door, leaned across the top of the car and looked at me and said, Richard, wait a minute. So I just stopped and when my dad stepped from the back of the car into a street light, I saw he was carrying something and what he was carrying was a suitcase. And my dad walked over to where I was and he set the suitcase down beside me. And he said, Richard, he said, I don't agree with this, but I don't know what to do. But your mom has decided you can no longer live in her house. And I remember the look in my dad's eyes. And my dad reached over and he grabbed me by the shoulder. And he said, Richard, you gotta know that I love you. But I don't know how to handle this. And there were so many different things, Sue, that pointed to the fact my mother didn't love me. When I was growing up, I never got a birthday cake. Never had a birthday cake. My sisters did. Imagine what it would

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
be

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
like on Christmas morning to come downstairs and- Your sisters are there and they're opening all their presents and there's nothing under the tree with your name on it. And those were pretty strong ways of my mom telling me how she felt about me. And my dad gave me a big hug and he turned and he didn't walk back to the car. He almost ran to the car and leaned across the top of the car and he shook his finger at me and said, you take care of yourself. And the next memory I have in my life Sue is... I got sort of squeezing my shoulders and said, get out of the street, because I'm standing in the middle of the street. And I'm watching my dad drive out of my life. And inside of me, Sue, my heart is about to break out of my chest because I just want to scream, if you love me, why are you doing this? And I walked back over to the street corner and I looked at the suitcase and I finally told myself, you can't spend the rest of your life standing on a street corner. So I picked it up

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
and I went to

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
downtown Ardmore, which was only about five blocks away, and went to Hotel Ardmore and told them I needed a room and they looked at me funny because of the fact that I looked my knee up. And they gave me a key and I went up to the seventh floor. I opened the door and, Sue, I never turned the lights on. I just dropped the suitcase, walked across the room, opened the window, and looked down because there's no screens on the Hotel Ardmore. and I crawl out on that ledge and I sit there. And on that ledge was the first time in a real turning point I ever had in my life. Just I sat there and I was trying to make a decision, do you live or do you die? And I understand people who contemplate suicide because these are people who believe that if they weren't here, no one would ever miss them. And I sat

Sue Dhillon:
Yes.

Richard Flint:
there and I was battling with myself and finally I came to the realization. If I jumped, my mother would win. And I wasn't about to give that lady that victory in my life. And that was a turning point for me. And I crawled back in and the next morning, I called the gentleman by the name of Troy Howe and told Troy what had happened because his two kids were my best friends. And Troy said, don't you go anywhere, don't you do anything. And about 25 minutes later, he was in my room and for basically. Almost two hours we talked and he finally asked me, what are you gonna do? And I said, I'm not going back. So Troy helped me find a room with a lady who was the editor of the daily newspaper in town. And I paid that lady $5 a week to live in her house. And every day I would get up and I'd go to school, I'd go to football or tennis practice, I'd go to work. And I'd come home about nine and I'd sit at her dining room table doing my homework because I knew that when I went into that little dark bedroom and I crawled in that bed, I was going to cry myself to sleep. Every human needs to feel loved. And it's a cold

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
feeling

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
not to feel loved. I was good enough that I was able to have some scholarships to go to college on because I had never been able to afford it. And soon when I was a sophomore in college, I made the decision that I had to confront my mom and dad. If you or your listeners ever got to really know me from the inside out, they would know that I live and my life is governed by 16 laws and I don't break those laws. And one of my laws is this, anything you don't confront, you validate. And if you validate it, it owns you. And I made the decision that I needed to go confront my mom and dad. It was 62 miles from my dormitory room to my mom and dad's front door. And I got to their house and I did slow down, but I did not pull in their driveway. I was terrified. I drove on by and a few miles past their house, I pulled off to the side of the road. And I had this meeting with myself and said, Richard, if you don't do this now, you'll never do it and you'll be a hostage to your mom the rest of your life. So I turned around and I went back and I parked across from their house for a few minutes and got the courage and shot my car across the street and got out of my car and I ran to the front door because I knew if I walked I would run back to my car. And I think everybody has had the experience where they've said, I've got to deal with this. I've got to face this. I'm going to do it. And then all of a sudden when they take one step the other foot's nailed to the ground. And so then they can come up with a reason this is not a good time. I got to the door and there was a wooden door and a screen door. I knocked on the screen door. My dad was the one who came to the door. When he opened the wooden door and he saw me, my dad just turned white. I wish he could have been there because my dad did not unlock the screen door. He stepped through the screen door. With one hug, my dad told me everything that had been pent up inside him. The guy just hugged me until he was almost hurting me. and he literally carried me into the living room and just babble, babble, babble, didn't understand anything this guy was saying. And finally my dad realized that my mother wasn't there and she was in the kitchen fixing breakfast so he called for my mom to come see who was there. And when my mom stepped into the door frame between the living room and the kitchen, and she saw me, she just froze. Never took her eyes off of me. Took her right hand and reached around behind her and untied her apron, let it fall to the floor. took her left hand over to the table where it always was, and picked up her purse, took out her car keys, walked out the back door, got in her car, and drove off. And I never saw her again. And it's taken me years to understand that many people

Sue Dhillon:
Thank you.

Richard Flint:
around our lives want to program us, rather than help us become the person that we can be. And my journey, you know, God put three men in my life at critical times and every time I would hit a snag where I want to just give up. One of the things I'm seeing in our world today, is the number of people who are giving up. I think right now maybe one of the biggest diseases in this country today is tiredness and fatigue. Because people have been taken out of their routine that they're comfortable with. And if I take Sue Dillon out of her routine, it's amazing because her life then might be filled with uncertainty. And when we live in that world of uncertainty, what do we do? We increase our doubt, our worry, and our uncertainty. And, you know, doubt is the most formidable enemy that fear uses against you and I. And people ask me all the time, well, wouldn't you want to change your childhood? No. If I changed it, I wouldn't be who I am today. And believe me, I wanted to go over and crawl in the corner and lay in the fetal position and blame life and blame God and blame everybody, blame my mom and everything for what was going on in my life. But I realized that this is my life. And I can either give it to other people, or I can make it my life. And I can draw a blueprint that frees me and allows me to blossom. And what I've spent my life doing is understanding what it means to be awesome. And awesome is when you have that foundation of belief in your life. that says, you know, I

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
am

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
an original. I'm not a carbon copy. And I have the right to be me. Now, that's not always popular. I'll bet there's a lot of listeners in your show, listening to your show, who, you know, they needed to be accepted, needed to be proven. They needed to prove theirself. And that's how I lived for years. I was gonna prove to everybody that my mother was wrong. And then one day I realized as long as I lived that way, she still owns me. So I decided, okay, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You just have to be the person that you were put on this earth to be. And I tell you, I've had times that I had stood in front of the mirror and I've screamed at my mom saying, look at me. Look at me. I'm not stupid. Look at my degrees. Look at 19 books that I've written. Look at the fact that I've been able to speak to thousands upon thousands of people all over the world. I'm not dumb. And I am somebody. And I'm a person who can blossom into being awesome when I am being the original. And you're probably looking at one of the most self-confident people you've ever met in your life. I throw parties, Sue, and I'm the only one I invite. and they are

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
great, great

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
parties. But everybody has a story. It's what you do with the story. And that story is yours to write. But I'll tell you one other thing. It's also yours to edit. Because out of what happened in my childhood came a lot of lessons that I use today to remind me that I am a person who can bring value to people. If you could walk around my house you'd find that there's a little sticky note in three different places in my house. And on that sticky note is the thing that guides me every day of my life. Somebody's going to need me today. somebody's gonna need me today. And I'll tell you what, some days it's me that needs me. But every day I believe that I have the ability, I have the gifts, I have the knowledge, I have the experience. That when that person shows up in my life, I'm prepared for them. Most people are not prepared to live, they're prepared to exist. because they never figure out what it means to blossom to be awesome. That's my life in a nutshell. There's a lot more to it, but that's it in a nutshell.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow, that is a remarkable story. And I have to ask you some follow-up questions here. I mean, just the obvious one, like, where does this resilience? Because not everyone has this. Like, where do you think that came from at 16? What if you could go back? You know, in that moment when you said, no, I'm going to make something of myself. I'm gonna, this is my life. I mean, how do you as a 16 year old come up with that?

Richard Flint:
Well, I'm a very spiritual person, Sue. And my foundation and my belief is in God. And on that night on that ledge when I was 16, it was like I wasn't there alone. And I sat there and I pondered, and believe me, jumping was an option. Because 16, your natural mother didn't want you. Your adopted mother didn't want you. Your dad who said he loved you left you standing on a street corner. So there must be something really wrong with you. But there was this voice inside of me that said, Richard, there's more to your life. You just have to want it. And so at that point, that was the turning point, realizing that if I jumped, my mother would win. and I wasn't about to let her win. And for probably, from that time, probably 10 to 12 years, I lived every day proving to my mother that she was wrong. But that held me back because I wasn't living to be me. I was living to make a statement to her. And then when I sat down and I wrote my very first book, which was called, it's called The Truth About Stress. And when I wrote that book and I started interviewing people and I began to realize, Richard, you're not alone in this world. There are other people who have experienced same things with you. And that fear of rejection, that fear of abandonment, because from the day that Sue Dillon was born to the day she dies, she's going to fight six fears. The fear of the unknown, the fear of abandonment, the fear of rejection. fear of failure, fear of loss, and fear of success. And one of those is her number one fear. Mine was always, two of them tied together, the fear of being abandoned and the fear of rejection. And when I realized that, I realized something. I was living from the outside in. I was giving the world control of my life. And I would walk into the world and go, hey world, I'm here, look at me. And then I realized that as long as I did that, I had no belief in myself. So I began to find out what makes Richard tick. And the thing to me is I realized that I have a gift. If God's given me one gift, it's the ability to take what looks confusing to people and show them the pathway to clarity. And in my small group retreats, in my coaching, in my speaking, in the podcast we do, in our Friday open mics, and everything that we do, it's all there. to help people understand that you are an awesome person. But I can tell you that, but if you don't believe it, it won't happen. And my gift is to take what looks confusing to people and show them the pathway to clarity in their life. If you ask anyone who's been around me and anyone who's been a part of anything they do, I do, and you ask them, what do you remember about that guy? they'll tell you three words, behavior never lies. That the essence of truth in a human life was not what we talk about doing, but it's about our behavior. And every day what I do is I don't challenge the person, I challenge the personality. Because you are a person, which is what I see, you are a personality, which I experience. And the real definition of your life is not the person speaking words, it's the personality demonstrating like the behavior. Because the real definition of truth is not what you say, it's what you do.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow, so much wisdom here, Richard to tap into. So, you know, you mentioned there are 16, you know, things, principles you live by. You also have something, the three Ps. Can you talk to us about some of this stuff and impart some of this knowledge and wisdom on us?

Richard Flint:
Yeah, and back to this is going to be the essence of our next small group retreat, which is in July. And all of my retreats are limited to 15 people, where we can really get inside of life. But I watch people, and I know this, people struggle with, they either manage their life or their life manages them. And with all of the uncertainty, because if you say, Richard, what is the one word? you see that's holding people hostage today. It's uncertainty. We live in a society where uncertainty is ruling our lives. And that's not by accident. There is a master plan because I think there's always an agenda behind the agenda. And I think there's an agenda out there today to break the human spirit. And if I can break your spirit, then you're gonna be dependent on me. But... for you and I to learn how to manage our life. We gotta master three P's. Pace. In your brief life on this earth, have you ever gotten your life moving so fast you lost control of it?

Sue Dhillon:
Yes.

Richard Flint:
Yeah, and that just wears you out, does it not? Makes you tired, frustrated, even makes you angry at yourself. Because you and I can either live too fast or too slow. How do I know when I'm living too slow? I procrastinate. How do I know when I'm living too fast? I keep putting stuff on my plate that I don't have time for. So we're gonna talk about how do you learn what the right pace is for your life? And then the second P is a big word, patience. Do you have lots of patience?

Sue Dhillon:
I'm learning patience. They didn't always when I was younger, but I'm learning.

Richard Flint:
See, here's the interesting thing. Pace and patience are twins. If I don't have the right pace, I don't have patience. If I lose my patience, I speed up. And patience is that part of your life where you learn the difference between living from your emotions up to your mind down. And when you and I are patient, then what happens? We strengthen that foundation of our life. And all of a sudden we open up peripheral vision. And we live in a world today where everybody seems to be in a hurry. Everybody's in a hurry. Try driving down the street without getting run over today. Everybody's in a hurry. So we're gonna talk about what is patience and how do you gain patience. But those two have no power if you don't put the third P to it. We have pace, we have patience, and then we have persistency. And persistency is where we really demonstrate the belief, the trust, and the faith that we have in ourself. Most people are collectors of clutter. And clutter is anything you start that you don't complete. I told one of my friends the other day, if I had the money, the thing that I would invest in today is self-storage. I mean, I walk through my neighborhood, Sue, and I see all these cars parked in the driveway, and when the garage is open, you know why they're there? Because they can't get anything in the garage because it's so stacked. We are collectors today. We don't complete. Persistency is completing what you start in order to learn the lesson that keeps you moving forward. Again, we either live from yesterday to today or today to tomorrow. And I choose to live from today to tomorrow.

Sue Dhillon:
Mmm.

Richard Flint:
That makes sense.

Sue Dhillon:
It does, I love that and I love the three Ps and there's just so much profundity to that. We don't think of it in that way, but it's very much just how life, like you say, pace, we're either going too fast or too slow and so few of us exercise patience. And again, that's one of those things, Richard, like when you're younger, you don't have that understanding of time, right? And now, It's like a year is like a blink of an eye, you know, it's

Richard Flint:
Yeah.

Sue Dhillon:
nothing in hindsight, right? So tell us now, you know, what is, if there were one, like, what is your deepest understanding of life? Like, why are we here? Why are you here? What is, what is the purpose of this all? What have you gleaned from life?

Richard Flint:
And I like the word you chose because I don't believe in goals and goal setting. I think most of what people call goals are hallucinations. And they only write them because they feel they have to. And you can't have a goal if you don't know what your purpose is. And my purpose is my number two law in my life of what I want. I want to create a positive presence that has presence when I'm not present. That's what I want. I want to find every day those people who need my presence. People ask me all the time, what percentage of people do you think ever use what you teach? 2%. And all I do every day of my life now is look for the 2% because I can create that positive presence in their life because of my experience, because of my knowledge. And I promise you something, and I promise your listeners this. You can't throw anything at me that I haven't worked someone through in their life. And I want that presence that continues to allow me to have a presence when I'm not present, a positive presence. Because some people have a negative presence in your life that you never get rid of. And one of my laws of life is also never keep anyone in your life who's not part of your fan club. You don't need critics. And critics are people who are jealous of you. They're envious of you. They want to be you, but they're not going to pay the price to get where you are. Because I just get the feeling you've not had the easiest life in the world. And that you've worked through a lot of stuff yourself to get where you are today.

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm. I have. God, I didn't... So we're gonna add psychic to your

Richard Flint:
Yeah

Sue Dhillon:
many roles and titles. Where is this coming from? Are you... Would you call yourself psychic or very intuitive or what is it?

Richard Flint:
I watch your eyes and I watch part of my story and part of what I'm talking about. I've watched you identify with it with your eyes and I've seen that some of the stuff has taken you inside yourself. Because number one thing I study in people are their eyes because your eyes cannot lie. Have you noticed today that most people's eyes look dead? There's not a lot of life in them. Why? Because life is managing them. They're living from the outside in and they don't know how to get back to living from the inside out. And when I started this journey 35 years ago, I promised myself and I promised God that every day I would work to bring three things to people. I want them to be better. I believe there's more to life than what we've experienced so far. I want them to be smarter. I mean, do you know that the smartest people you'll ever meet are the people who have mastered the art of playing dumb? You ever had somebody manipulate you?

Sue Dhillon:
Yes.

Richard Flint:
Use you?

Sue Dhillon:
Yes.

Richard Flint:
And then when you realize what was happening, you got angry with yourself. Those people are smart. But you and I, and smart is not book knowledge. It's learning to how to live your life in the world in which you live. I can't change the world, but I can affect the world that's around me. And then... I want people in their life to have that presence. And when you have that positive presence about yourself, every day, your belief, your trust, and your faith begins to just increase. And I live that every day. That's what I want for people.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow, that is so powerful and so beautiful, Richard. Now, you know, for those who are stuck and struggling, you know, and you know all about this, what is some practical guidance you can give them? Where can they start right now? You know, with a mindset shift or whatever that may be, what would that advice or guidance be?

Richard Flint:
Okay, and I want them to listen to you very closely, because this is important. What I know about me is what I've taken from yesterday. Yesterday is a reference library, not a room to live in. And in yesterday, you and I have two sets of file cabinets. We have one set of file cabinets. That's all of our disappointments, all of our frustration, all of our pain, all of our anger. And for the majority of people, what they do, is when they look at their life, they go back into yesterday and they take all of the pain, all of the frustrations, the doubts, the uncertainties, and they use that to define their life. But you have another set of file cabinets, that's all your successes, things that have made you happy, things that bring you joy, things that you know you've achieved, and things when you look in the mirror, you look at yourself and you go, you know, I like that person. And if I use that file cabinet, then what happens? I'm strengthening my foundation of believing in myself, trusting in myself, and having the faith in me. For years, I kept going back to that file cabinet, and I'd pull my mother's file out. And I would listen to what was in that file. And then one day, I realized, as long as I pulled that file out, That's all I would be. I watch people who've gone through divorce. I watch people who have lost jobs. I watch people who their life has been turned upside down without their permission and that grabs them. So what does it do? It brings doubt, worry and uncertainty to their life. And all of a sudden they're trapped. They're trapped in living from yesterday to today. And what I want to do is, hey, hey, tell people, hey, you don't have to live that way. Let's go to that foul cabinet of success. There are times in your life when you've succeeded. There are great things that have happened in your life. Let's make sure I'm that. But would you agree with me that a lot of our world today is negative?

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Richard Flint:
Ever had a negative person in your life you've had to get rid of?

Sue Dhillon:
Uh huh.

Richard Flint:
It's not always easy, is it?

Sue Dhillon:
That's not no, especially when they outsmart you when they're smart when they're playing dumb act, but smart.

Richard Flint:
I mean, you know, and you say that, but people have had that conversation. I can't believe I let them do that to me.

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm.

Richard Flint:
I can't believe that I was that stupid. But sometimes our hearts are too big. And what we do is we try to fix people's lives. And I promise all of your listeners this, any line you fix will break again. and then they'll come running back to you. But where are you looking to? Are you looking to your file cabinet of defeat? Or are you looking to your file cabinet of successes? And by the way, let me just say this to your listeners. If you ever feel like a failure, remember my definition. Failure can be defined with one word, fertilizer. It's all it is, it's fertilizer. I mean, I got one of my coaching students, they manage a huge farm. And we were joking about this the other day, and I said, well, why the fertilizer? He said, the ground needs fertilizer to grow, to let the plants grow. I need failure in my life to test me to see how strong my belief, my trust, and my faith is in myself. We haven't taught people that definition of failure. We've taught them you either succeed or you fail. But you can't succeed if you don't fail. All emotions travel in threes, Sue. It's success, it's failure, and it's defeat. And defeat is when you give up.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh, I love that. And now Richard, talk to us more about not giving up because that's something, you know, you were at that crossroad where you could have given up, right? So, and I find, and as you do, a lot of people do end up defeated, do end up walking away from their dreams, giving up, giving in too easy. So, what is your advice there to those people or give us some thoughts and insights there?

Richard Flint:
This is tough, okay? This is tough for some people to hear. The first thing you've got to realize is that not everyone in your life wants you to succeed. And you've got to

Sue Dhillon:
Yeah.

Richard Flint:
be willing to understand who's in your fan club and who's your critic. And the more I want to do with my life, and the more you want to do with your life, the fewer people you can have in your life. Just a question, Sue. If you looked at your inner circle, the people that you're close to in your life, how many would it be? How many really close friends do you have? that you can trust with your life. Yeah, and that's normal. It's somewhere between two and four. And I'm serious, have you ever had somebody that you really have had to tell them, you're not a good fit for my life?

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm.

Richard Flint:
Because most people surround themselves with people who give them permission to stay where they are, not challenge them. And the first thing you gotta do in your life is you gotta know, do I believe in myself? Do I trust me? Do I have the faith that I can do more with my life? And once you do that, then what you gotta do is you gotta look around your life. And you gotta put your life to one question. Because I think you can boil life down to one question. is the life that I'm living, feeding my confusion or strengthening my clarity. And here's what I found over the years of research with human behavior. Give me 10 people, ask them that question. Seven will choose confusion. Why? Because confusion takes away personal accountability. I always have something or someone to blame, but this is my life. And here's another interesting thought. You don't do anything in life without giving yourself permission to do it. There's no one to blame because the ultimate decision is mine. So everything I do with my life, I do it because I've given myself permission. So then I can't turn around and say, you know what? It was Sue's fault. She said, that's what I needed to do. No, it's my life. It's my choice. And so realize that this is your life. And you face your life with honesty. You know, I learned this in the counseling room, Sue. And it's been a great lesson over the years. Most people want honesty as long as it's not honest.

Sue Dhillon:
Hahaha

Richard Flint:
You ever had somebody come to you and go, Sue, I want you to be honest with me. And you go, really? Yeah, I

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
want you

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
to be honest. So you're honest with them, and then they tell somebody you've been criticizing.

Sue Dhillon:
Yes.

Richard Flint:
Because the other thing you have to do to have the life that you want, you gotta be able to be honest with yourself. And by the way, can I just drop this in here?

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm.

Richard Flint:
To have a purpose in life, there are four questions you have to answer and you can't rearrange them. What do I really want for my life? Not what do I want, the word really is the word. What do I really want for my life? That gives you clarity of direction. Why do I really want this? That's where your motivation comes from. What price am I willing to pay to achieve it? That's where commitment comes from. Everything in life has a price tag. And then the fourth question, what behaviors will I have to improve that will allow me to get there? And when I work with my students, my mentoring students, this is the thing we work through. Because if you can't answer that first question, then you have nowhere to go except living from yesterday to today. Purpose is what lets us live from today to tomorrow. and I still have a big purpose to achieve. I'm gonna write five more books. My next book is entitled, So What's Your Excuse? because excuses have become acceptable behavior today.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow, Richard. Now, so, you know, let me ask you, I feel so moved and touched and inspired by everything you've shared, your story, the wisdom. What do you do? What's your routine look like? I mean, how do you stay so inspired? Are you reading all the time? Are you listening to stuff? What is your kind of, I'm interested in your Morning routine. Is there a morning routine? I know a lot of high achievers and people, you know, like you have a regular morning routine or some kind of, you know, something that keeps you you know gassed up.

Richard Flint:
Well, first of all, the thing that charges me is I have a purpose. That purpose is to create that positive presence that has a presence when I'm not present, that drives me. And, you know, I'm a rarity in life. I sleep maybe three, three and a half at the most four hours a night. I write for two hours every morning of my life because that gives me the clarity. and it sets my mindset for the day. I do a little thing called the morning minute where every morning I send you a one minute video of one of my philosophies of life and a piece of wisdom. Just because of that, it sets your mind for the day. Most people don't walk into the day, they race into their day. And then I will go get some breakfast and then depending on the day, I will come back. Most times I'll go play nine holes of golf just to calm myself down. And then I come back and... I average about 120 plus emails a day from people, and I answer every email personally. No one reads or answers my emails. And then the rest of my day is just designed around what I feel I need to work on that day. My day generally ends about five, 5.30. I'll get some dinner, then I come back, and then I've learned something important. I gotta unwind. I gotta turn my mind off. Because I don't know if you've ever been there, but if you can't turn your mind off, you can't rest.

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm.

Richard Flint:
You ever had your mind wake you up? Okay.

Sue Dhillon:
Yes, keep me up for decades.

Richard Flint:
Yeah, because if your mind wakes you up, you're not going back to sleep. Your

Sue Dhillon:
Uh huh.

Richard Flint:
mind will say, Sue, what are you trying to do? No, we need to work on this. And so it's unwinding at night and finding a space of peace. And by the way, just one more little piece of wisdom. Everybody says you need to find balance in your life. There is no balance in life. Because your life is always, you live in four rooms, business, family, social, and personal. And your rooms are always on a collision course. You'll never find balance for your life. All balance does. Seeking balance is increase your stress. Take the word balance out. And what you have to do is you need to find harmony in your life. Where your rooms are connected together. through purpose and support.

Sue Dhillon:
Mmm.

Richard Flint:
We stress ourselves out trying to get balance.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow, I love that. That is profound. And, you know, I've never thought of balance in that way until you just said this, like it does sound very, God, I don't know, definitive and clinical or something, you know, it's very kind of cutthroat. I need balance, but you're so right. I love that. Richard, now, tell me, you know, can you talk to us about overcoming um, like rejection and disappointment. How, how does one get over that?

Richard Flint:
Okay, here's a lesson I had to learn. No one rejects Richard. Richard rejects Richard. Rejection is how I tell other people to treat me. And because what people do in your life most of the time is they treat you like you asked to be treated. That's because of your behavior. Your behaviors, you ever seen this? Someone believes I'm not pretty. So they demonstrate that. I'm not smart. They demonstrate that. I'm not lovable. They demonstrate that. Because whatever it is that is in you, that you feel about you, you demonstrate that. I mean, you know, all confidence is is a demonstration of you loving yourself. That's all confidence is. All motivation is, is you knowing I have a purpose. You know, my one little statement motivates me every day. Somebody's gonna need me today. Yesterday, it was the guy who came to spray the bugs in my house. He was here in my study and he was looking at my books and he said, you write off these? I said, yeah. And he looked at one of them and it happened to be the book with that, my life story, breaking free. And he said, you know, can I talk to you for a second? Hour later, we were still talking. He needed me

Sue Dhillon:
Thank you.

Richard Flint:
yesterday. But I have to be prepared for life. And that preparedness is me learning how to live from the inside out with my belief, my trust, and my faith. And I believe in me and I trust me. And I have faith in my ability. To bring value to other people.

Sue Dhillon:
Hmm, well, I mean, I'm here here to that you are, you are bringing so much value and, um, Richard, I feel like, you know, your purpose is so huge. And there's just this profundity to you. And you're so at peace with, like the oneness of just us or I can, I can see how You spent an hour with the guy yesterday just being in total presence with him, because that's the value that you're bringing and the awareness that you have around showing up for people in that way. That's so powerful.

Richard Flint:
Well, that's because I live with the right pace. I live with patience. And I am persistent with finding the more to my life. Because the more you learn about you and the more positive you become, you know what's gonna be the result? The more awesome your blossom.

Sue Dhillon:
I love that. And now what other, is there something you can share about disappointment and moving past that?

Richard Flint:
Okay, here's the process that happens. I get chaos in my life. And chaos is when my life is in the mixing bowl and it's spinning faster than I can manage. And I can see the switch, but I can't get to it. And anytime you have chaos, you're gonna have confusion. And confusion is, I know I need to make a decision. But I don't know what to do because we make decisions either from our emotions up or our mind down. The faster the mixing bowl, the harder it is to get out of your emotions. And then when I'm confused, I get frustrated. Everybody knows they need to do something, but frustration just wraps you in a cocoon and you can't break out of it. And then when I get frustrated, I get disappointed. So I hope your listeners will understand this. Ninety-nine percent of every frustration you have in your life is the result of a disappointment. And disappointment is when dissatisfaction overrides satisfaction. And then when all of those come together, the end result is that I get angry, you know, and not out of control, but I just don't like who I am. So the very first thing I gotta do is I gotta realize I'm either in control of my life or my life is in control of me. And when I'm in control of my life, then all of a sudden, I find that switch to the chaos. I turn that confusion into seeking solution. I turn frustration into resolution. I turned disappointment into... A life where I'm being fulfilled. And then I turn anger into joy. It's all a choice and everything is a choice. But again, I'm gonna go back to this. It's which one of those two foundations are you living through? Doubt, worry and uncertainty are belief, trust and faith. And the foundation creates the life you're gonna have. Now, I'm gonna go back to the foundation. I'm gonna go back to the foundation. And

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
I want

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
people to understand how to get to that foundation of belief, trust, and faith. I live every day looking for the 2%. That's all I want. And you know, my small group retreats and everything I do is filled with the 2%. I mean, I wish you and your audience could join us on a Friday morning for our open mic. It's free. And we lay out a question. I do a little monologue. and then we open it up and people just talk. Like our question for this coming Friday is how do you handle the emotional hurt that you can't seem to get through? And, you know, last Friday our question was, what's the number one point of conflict you have with yourself? And you know, it's every Friday morning, 10 o'clock Eastern time. It's for 70 minutes. And it's just fun because you ever had someone in your life who you were struggling with something and they just made one statement and you thought that's the answer.

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm.

Richard Flint:
Why am I being shocked with this? People

Sue Dhillon:
Thank

Richard Flint:
in our life

Sue Dhillon:
you.

Richard Flint:
can bring value to us. if we listen. Most people don't listen. They hear what they want to hear, and they don't listen to what they need to listen to.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my god, Richard, I'm just, I just love everything that you have shared here. And so a couple of things in closing, I cannot believe this is we've been doing this for almost an hour, which is going way longer than I normally go. But you just had so much amazing stuff to share. So couple of things. One, I'm going to have links to all of your stuff for people. and I might have to join you on a Friday morning. And then I want to say, I would love to circle back and do this again with you because I know there's just so much more wisdom and insights in there. Inside of that noggin of yours, you've got so much more that we haven't even touched on. So I would love to do that. And I want to just say, thank you so much. for this time, your wisdom and everything you've shared. It's been such a delight and such an honor.

Richard Flint:
And Sue, if I've raised any questions in the minds of any of your listeners, and they'd like, they'd like to ask me a question. It's just Richard at RichardFlint.com. And you know, I answer every email might take me two days to get back to you, but I do that. And if people would visit my website, RichardFlint.com and look at some of the things we're doing, we're doing some amazing things right now. I mean, my small group retreats are off the wall with what they're about. And then once a month we do a live virtual seminar on a Saturday. This coming Saturday is our next one. And our theme is the power to be organized. Because I'm working through the 13 most common struggles that hold people hostage in their life. And so this Saturday our theme is the power to be organized. This is the deepest thing that people ever listen to because organization is simply getting to things before they take on a negative life of their own. And there are reasons that we don't get organized. And that's what we're gonna talk about.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my God, I love it. And now Richard, I will be sure to have links to all of that. You've been so amazing, so insightful. I'm so honored to have had this time with you. I would love to circle back and do it again. And in closing,

Richard Flint:
I'm open to next to all you do is you get with Brian. Uh, I like your style. I like your interview style. I did one of these the other day and the guy wouldn't let me talk because he had to talk and. You know, I love your interview style. I like that. You're, you're a very special lady.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh, that means so much to me, Richard. Thank you so much. And I do this because I am inquisitive. I love learning. I'm a former network journalist. I love asking questions like you started out with. Everyone has a story and I love, there's, I get more out of listening. So this is why I do this. I get so much out of connecting with amazing people. like you. And now in closing, Richard, if there were one message, your hope for everybody, what is that closing message you would like to leave us with?

Richard Flint:
Be unoriginal, don't live your life being a carbon copy. Believe, trust, and have faith in yourself. And by the way, all of that is in my book entitled Breaking Free, and it's on my website. That's my life story. And a couple of years ago, this was voted the number two best new self-development book that had been written that year. And it's just my life story.

Sue Dhillon:
God, what a life story it is. I love it. You've been so awesome, Richard. Thank you so much.

Richard Flint:
Hey, we've had a chance to be awesome so we can blossom more today.

Sue Dhillon:
Yes, we have. And

Richard Flint:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sue Dhillon:
that's it. I think we helped a lot of people blossom. They're awesome today. I know that you've been amazing. And it's so awesome. Thank you, Richard.

Richard Flint:
Oh, thank you for inviting me.

Sue Dhillon:
Thank you.