Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Episode #130 Say It Out Loud With Vasavi Kumar

Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Episode #130 Say It Out Loud With Vasavi Kumar

Vasavi Kumar is a speaker, author and coach who is teaching people how to use their voice to say what they want to say boldly and proudly, be heard and live with authenticity.

We are talking about the power of using your voice and her new book - Say It Out Loud.

To learn more about Vasavi check her out at her site here.

To see more of my work  - blossomyourawesome.com

My YouTube

https://blossomyourawesome.com/mindfulness-1

Where I write and cover mindfulness and other things to help you Blossom Your Awesome.

Or follow me on instagram where I post fairly regularly and ask an inquisitive question or two weekly in hopes of getting you thinking about your life and going deeper with it.

My Instagram - i_go_by_skd

To support my work - my Patreon

Transcript

Sue Dhillon:
Hi there, today on the show Vasavi Kumar joins us. I am so excited to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh, I am so excited to have you here. Get into your story, your book, everything you're up to. Vasadi, you are an author, speaker, communication trainer. So give us the backstory here, how you got into this line of.

Vasavi Kumar:
I got into this line of work because the people in my home growing up did not know how to communicate. I spent much of my young years, I mean, honestly, starting at the age of four, mediating my parents, standing between them, mediating them, helping them communicate with one another. And honestly, it was because my mom would yell really loudly and my father would shut down. And then, you know, here I am just trying to sleep and it was just loud and cacophonous in my house growing up. So I was like, well, I'm gonna take charge. and I'm gonna do something about it. And I would essentially coach my parents on how to say it out loud. So when I got my master's in social work, to be a therapist for other people, and also I should mention I was in therapy at the age of 12 because I could not, I mean, I could not, there was no way I could talk to my parents. And when I told them, I need to go to therapy, I can't talk to y'all, they were willing and they were open and they put me in therapy at a young age. And so that's really how this all started. It started because I... I grew up very quickly trying to help my parents. And while I was unsuccessful in helping them communicate, they're still together, but they don't communicate. Just because you're together doesn't mean you know how to communicate. I was more effective in my business, right? Helping other people who wanted to get help communicating and being kinder to themselves and being more self-expressed and authentic.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh, I love that. And now, you know, I mean, you do realize it is extremely unusual for you at 12 to be telling your parents what you need. And it's awesome that you got it, right? But what do you think was the catalyst, aside from your parents, that's so wise and ahead of your years to say, Hey, I need a professional, I need a therapist?

Vasavi Kumar:
You know, it started because at the age of 12, I started smoking cigarettes to fit in. I grew up in an all white town. My family was like one of two Indian immigrant families on Long Island, New York. And so I did whatever I could to fit in because it was torture at school. I was bullied in school. I was made fun of for being Indian. I mean, I've heard all the mean jokes. Oh, does your father ride to work on a camel? He must just own Slurpee, you know, 7-elevens and just very stereotypical, cruel jokes. And so I learned in order to survive, I had to be like you. I had to be like the person who was bullying me and torturing me. So I started smoking cigarettes, right? At the age of 12. My mom found out because I was not slick about it. I tried to flush cigarettes down the toilet and they didn't flush. And I lied and I was like, oh, they must belong to the, you know, to the guys outside landscaping the house. I just tried to pin it on somebody else because I was very afraid of my mother. My mother was not only emotionally volatile, but she would hit us. She would hit me at least. So I didn't want to, I wanted to avoid that. But you know, I remember she said to me, you know, you're gonna be the reason why your father has a heart attack. You're doing all these things, it's not good. And we were in the kitchen one day and I write about this in my book, say it out loud, I said to my parents, I can't talk to either one of you. I need somebody to talk to. You guys just don't understand me. And I think at that point, they just were like, well, we are not equipped to handle this. And they were right, they were not. They were not given the tools to talk to their 12 year old daughter on not smoking, you know, in a healthy way, it was more like, well, if you do this, we're gonna die. You know,

Sue Dhillon:
Mm-hmm.

Vasavi Kumar:
and so I think we all collectively knew as a family, even though it wasn't in the healthiest way that, you know, my parents would communicate. When I said I need help, I think they, I think what happened was, you know, my uncle, who is in the acknowledgement section of my book, he hung himself. from a fan, he committed suicide. And that was just a few years before I had started going to therapy. It was two years before I started going to therapy, my uncle killed himself, I was 10 at the time. And I think my dad was just like, well, if this runs in the family, mental health, depression, addiction, I don't want my daughter to go down that same path. So my father really took charge and he found a therapist for me. And her name is Virginia Cummins, she's still in my, she's in my book as well. I still check in with her from time to time just to see how she's doing. Are you still alive? Cause I saw her when I was 12 and that was what 28 years ago. And yeah, she was my therapist for 16 years. Yeah.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow,

Vasavi Kumar:
Yeah.

Sue Dhillon:
that is awesome. I love that and I love that you're sharing so candidly. And I love, this is a strange thing to say, but I love that you started so early. You know, I mean, I think it's a good thing, right? So talk to us about this need. I mean, one of your things is like finding your voice, your bold voice and, you know, the authentic you. Talk to us about that. Like, why is this so important?

Vasavi Kumar:
You know, I think about some of the relationships that I've been in and friendships, but mostly in my romantic relationships, how, you know, I thought for me, my role as a girl, my role as a woman, my job was simply to please men. I am here to make men feel better. I am here to make you happy. That's the role that I played as a child. Like I said, my parents fought a lot. My father wasn't as expressive as my mother, but I... I could pick up on the sadness that he felt. And so I just learned from a very young age, my job is to make my dad happy because he's so sad, because my mother is so mean to him. And she emasculated him. And she didn't talk to him the way anyone should talk to their partner. And my father, while he didn't use a lot of words, he stonewalled her. He would gaslight her. He would do things in a more subtle way, in a more covert kind of way. And... It's important for me because I know so many of the relationships and situations and friendships that I've been in have been very one-sided because I did not think my needs mattered. And you know, those relationships that we're in that we are in, if they are not reciprocal and healthy for us can really take us to some dark places. Like the relationship that I got into after I got divorced, it was the rebound that lasted way too long. A rebound is not supposed to last four years. My rebound lasted for four years. And this relationship, I was with someone who had just come out of rehab. Mind you, I didn't really have a major issue with substances. I dabbled here and there in college and all that. But I got into this relationship shortly after I got divorced. I was 32 years old. And I started using cocaine once a week. And then I started using twice a week. Then I started using three days a week. And then addiction is a progressive disease. And then I started using cocaine five days a week. with some rest days in between because I could not go for seven days. And I was making really good money in my business, telling everyone to live their best lives. But behind closed doors, I had a closet cocaine addiction. And so I eventually, you know, four years later into this rebound relationship, I ended up going into rehab. And when I look back at that relationship and the relationship that I got into after that, where this guy that I was with, very kind human being, but he trained me to minimize my needs. He trained me to lower my expectations. Don't expect too much from me. Don't expect a phone call from me. Don't expect me to talk to you all the time. Don't expect me to initiate. Don't expect me to communicate anything to you and I'm just gonna sit here. It was very much what I was raised with and what I saw growing up because we are always trying to heal our relationship that we did not have with our family or that we wish we could have witnessed. through our romantic partnerships. Not all the time, but for me, that was my personal experience. And so it's really important, doesn't matter your gender, your sexual orientation, what type of relationship you're in, but in order for us to thrive and our relationships to thrive, we have to learn to stand up and speak up for ourselves, no matter how uncomfortable it is, because otherwise you could end up like me, with someone that really does not care about you, someone that has no problem watching you degenerate. and someone that has no problem with you minimizing your needs. And if you don't have a spine, I didn't have a spine. I didn't have a, I didn't, I didn't have a, uh, a strong sense of communication in my romantic relationships. You can end up in rehab or worse. And I don't want that for anybody. I don't want that for anybody. And that's why it's important that you stand up and speak up for yourself.

Sue Dhillon:
Well, I love that. That's so powerful. And you know, what's interesting is that you were going to therapy early on, you realized, hey, I need someone to talk to. But there's still that like, you know, maturing and evolution that has to happen with understanding, you know, how maybe you were neglected by

Vasavi Kumar:
Mm-hmm.

Sue Dhillon:
your parents, and then that bled into adulthood, right? And you carried that trauma into

Vasavi Kumar:
Mm-hmm.

Sue Dhillon:
your relationships with this

Vasavi Kumar:
Wait. So,

Sue Dhillon:
need for People-pleasing.

Vasavi Kumar:
Well, yeah, exactly. Well, what I learned was based on watching my father, I would say to my father, why aren't you, why are you letting mom speak to you in this way? Why are you, why don't you divorce her? I would say that. I would say to my mother, you complain about that all the time, leave him. We'll be fine. Leave him. And so I watched two people be miserable with one another. Still are. They still are. I watched that. So I thought, well, when you really love someone, misery is a part of it. It's normal to be miserable. miserable in your relationship. So I just don't think we need to live that way if we can not.

Sue Dhillon:
And what so you know you have this get into this relationship the four year rebound. I'm that when about four years too long right and what point i mean it what point is this revelation where it's like wait you know what i'm not being true to myself i'm not being authentic i am worthy i deserve more was there like a light bulb moment what was it.

Vasavi Kumar:
You know, I wish it was that beautiful, but it was mostly because I ran out of all my money because I was not only using cocaine six days, five days a week. I was also supporting somebody else's habit. I became this man's sugar daddy and I lost it. I mean, I lost everything. I had just had a miscarriage. I mean, my business was not doing well because I could not keep up with the work that I had. And I wish it was like, oh, you know what? Let me change my life. It was a, no, I need to go to rehab. My parents and sister were like, you have to go to rehab. Like, look at you. Like, look at what has happened. And I was in such denial. I was such a classic case of somebody who was in denial. I wish it was that clear, you know? And I didn't learn the lesson the first time because I went to rehab twice. The second time, the first time I went to rehab, I had seven months clean and I was still dating the guy. The rebound, I was still dating the guy. I was sober and now he wasn't. And he broke up with me because he said I was boring. I wasn't boring, I was just sober. Being sober doesn't make you boring, it just makes you calm. I was calm, I was very calm, I was feeling really good, I was clear and I think that threatened him and so he broke up with me. And two weeks later I relapsed because the lesson that I still had not learned was you cannot. put anything above your relationship with yourself or with God or with your higher power, whatever you wanna call it, right? Your universal energy, your source energy. And I still put a human being above that relationship. And that's why I did relapse two weeks later. But then two weeks later, after I relapsed, I met somebody else and he was kind and he swooped in and he love bombed the hell out of me. And it was everything that I needed in that moment to feel good about myself. And that relationship lasted four years. Like that relationship with him just ended in this past, like last year. I was with this other person. That relationship had a different toll on me. But the second time I got sober, that was definitely one of those moments that you're referring to. I was newly let go from my TV hosting job here in Austin, Texas. And I was still using, I was still drinking and using on the weekends. So everyone around me thought I was sober. My mom thought I was sober, but I was living a lie. But my performance on TV really was affected by my lies because when you are incongruent with your words and your actions and your thoughts, it does affect your performance. It does affect how you show up. And so I didn't perform the best that I could on TV as a TV host, which is my job. And I got let go. And I was standing in the kitchen, newly fired from this job, about a week later. that I got let go and I was back to, you know, still using and whatever. My mom, she called me up and she's like, I need you to take a drug test. And I go, how dare you accuse me of using drugs? You know, I immediately kind of tried to gaslight her. I said, how dare you accuse me? And I knew I couldn't, just could not lie anymore. I could not lie anymore. And I told my mother, let me go. I need some time to myself, you know, whatever. And I stood there in the kitchen and I had this conversation with myself. And I said out loud, you are too old and too grown. for this chaos, what are you doing with your life? So I had a real conversation with myself out loud and I decided I needed to once and for all get sober. And so yeah, March 27th, I just celebrated four years of sobriety from cocaine. And that was a moment for me when I was like, I need to stop the chaos. And so that was my moment. And that for me, what I wanna close the loop on that is, things don't change unless you actually decide for them to change. Someone can make you do anything. My mother could. make me go to rehab, I didn't have any money, and I ended up going because I kinda had, it felt like I had no choice. But this second time around, I chose to go because I was done with the chaos. I had to have a much needed and real conversation with myself in order to get out of the personal hell that I had created for myself.

Sue Dhillon:
Wow, that is awesome. Well, I commend you for your four years of being cocaine free. That is amazing. It just speaks volumes to what you're up to now. So talk to us. You are the queen of saying it out loud. Give us some guidance here for people who are afraid of their own voice. What is your practical guidance or advice to that person?

Vasavi Kumar:
If you're afraid of your own voice and you actually need to confront your voice, right? If you're afraid of something, don't run away from it. Start using it, start practicing it. So in my book, Say It Out Loud, I have verbal prompts, verbal exercises. You don't even need one of those expensive journals to read my book. You just need your voice. And so I give my reader actual prompts and questions for them to ask themselves out loud and respond back. So there are many different parts to us. Each of these parts are like our sub-personalities. Each of these personalities has its own unique voice, energy, presence, way of being, way of speaking, way of dressing, and we need to allow these parts of ourselves to come to the table and allow themselves to be seen and heard. Because ultimately, what I really want my reader to walk away with when they read my book is to courageously live their life out loud, whatever that looks like for you. It doesn't have to be on social media. It could just, you know, even in your own relationships, even at your job, let yourself be seen in her. Don't be a doormat. Don't be a doormat. And so the way that I help you go about doing that is through my book is by talking to yourself. And you can do this anywhere. Like I'm not asking you to go to Target and be talking to yourself in the middle of the aisle. I mean, unless you want to, you know, how many times have we like had a long running list of things that we need to buy and it's all in our head? I mean, you can use talking to yourself out loud. as a basic cognitive function for you to memorize things, for you to process things, for you to remember certain things, for you to organize your mind. So this is a very practical tool. It's not just to heal the different parts of yourself and let the parts of yourself be heard, but it can also be used in everyday functions and activities.

Sue Dhillon:
Hmm. I love that. Now, can you give us one or two of these prompts

Vasavi Kumar:
Oh,

Sue Dhillon:
just

Vasavi Kumar:
yeah.

Sue Dhillon:
for people listening?

Vasavi Kumar:
Yeah,

Sue Dhillon:
Walk us through one or two of those.

Vasavi Kumar:
so in expressing your emotions out loud in the exercise, I break down every exercise into three parts, your prompt, your practice, and your promise. Your prompt is where you notice and you expand your awareness. So for expressing your emotions out loud, the prompt is notice when you tell, argue, package, or rationalize with your mind about how you're feeling. And I talk about this in the book, when we tell our mind how to feel. when we tell or when we argue with our mind about how we're feeling, I shouldn't feel this way, no. Or when we package it, this is a lot of times when we water down and package and add padding to how we're feeling because we are stuck in emotional perfectionism, which is a term coined by Dr. Annie Hickox where she says, some emotions we allow people to see, some emotions we don't allow people to see. That's fine, but you need to see yourself. So that's a prompt, right? And then, Observe when your attention drifts out of your body and up into your mind. And so here's the practice. You're gonna notice what's going on inside you and be mindful of your breathing. You're gonna put your right hand over your heart and you're gonna close your eyes and you're gonna take a few deep breaths in and out. And then you're gonna ask yourself out loud, actually ask yourself out loud, what am I experiencing in this moment? And then you pause, you pay attention, you respond, and you continue to dialogue with yourself. as you start opening up. So let's say I'm anxious about something. Instead of letting that anxiety run me, I stop myself, I put my hand over my heart or wherever, feels soothing for you, back of your neck, you know, your thighs, your stomach, whatever, and say, what am I experiencing right now? And then you allow yourself to actually say out loud, express those emotions out loud. What am I experiencing? I'm experiencing increased heart rate. I'm experiencing my mind is racing. I'm experiencing like a lot of scattered emotions. I'm experiencing tightness in my chest. And you can ask that part of yourself, well, what do you need right now? What's going on? Talk to me. What do you actually need in this moment? I need to lay on the ground and ground myself. I need to go take a walk. I need to call a friend who is very sensitive to my needs. I need to take a warm bath. Like. you get to repair that relationship with yourself. Most of us seek outside of ourselves to feel better on the inside. And what I'm saying is that is not a sustainable approach. It is not a sustainable approach for you to rely outside of yourself, to feel good on the inside. You need to give that to yourself. That's one of the prompts. Next chapter is on asking your intuition, out loud of course. And I asked my reader at the very beginning of the chapter to answer this question out loud. what causes you to doubt your gut feelings and then actually respond back so you can become aware of the things, the people, the situations, the thoughts that you have that cause you to doubt your gut feelings. If you don't know yourself, someone else is gonna tell you who you are. And so this book is really about you getting to know yourself. And as I shared this in my own personal life, I didn't really, not only, it's not that I didn't know who I was, I didn't communicate. that I always knew what I wanted in a relationship. I know what matters to me, but I just didn't communicate it because I shut that part of myself down. Don't be needy, don't come off as aggressive, don't be too direct. You don't wanna turn him off, you wanna keep him happy, but ultimately it always boiled down to, please don't leave me, please don't leave me. So in order for you not to leave me, I'm gonna do whatever I need to do. I'm gonna not say certain things because I don't wanna piss you off. I don't wanna end up like my mother. But in a way I did because I would enter into these relationships with men, very similar to my father, and I would become like my mother. So I did become like my mother because I was trying to heal whatever I could not heal within them in my relationships. But even in this chapter, right, ask your intuition out loud, I give you a list of questions that you can ask yourself. What is going on inside of me? What answers am I seeking? Why do I feel lost, stuck, and confused? Like, When you ask yourself these questions out loud and you respond, one thing is true. One thing is true. You cannot lie to yourself when you say it out loud. You cannot, because your body always knows when you're BSing yourself. You know, when you keep it in your head, you can justify it, you can minimize it, you can argue, you can rationalize. But when you say that out loud to yourself, I mean, unless you are that disconnected from yourself, most people cannot lie to themselves when they hear the words coming out of their mouth. Because your body can tell like, ooh. You know, even if you tell a white lie to somebody, you could say it, but you know that you're lying. You know that you're lying, you know? But we're a lot more okay with disappointing ourselves than we are with other people. And I don't want that for my reader. I want my reader to be relentless in pursuit of being honest with themselves, even if it means disappointing somebody.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my God, I love that. That is so bold, you know, because so many times we are like, okay, I want this for my reader. I want this, but only at this, not at this expense, right? But you're like, even if it means hurting someone, just being authentic and truthful. Now, what is the bigger message that you want to spread to people, Vasa Vida? Like if there were one big, Mission and message, what is that?

Vasavi Kumar:
care more about what you think of yourself than what others think about you. My opinion of myself is the most important opinion of myself. That's it. It doesn't, as I, if I can look at myself in the mirror and I have a very strong conscience, I have a very strong conscience to the point where, I mean, I cannot lie to myself. I have a visceral reaction and I know the purity of my heart. I know where I come from. I know what I'm fueled by. And so I want my reader to trust their own intentions and stop doubting themselves and be more concerned about what you think of yourself and how you view yourself. Your self-opinion is more important than anyone's opinion. And if you can be honest with yourself and you know where you're coming from, it really doesn't matter what other people think of you. Because you know you.

Sue Dhillon:
Mm, and I love that. Now, what is your advice to people who are lacking confidence and lacking self-worth? What are your tips? And for you also, you know, cause you were there, right?

Vasavi Kumar:
I was

Sue Dhillon:
Not

Vasavi Kumar:
there.

Sue Dhillon:
too long ago and you

Vasavi Kumar:
No.

Sue Dhillon:
had

Vasavi Kumar:
Mm-hmm.

Sue Dhillon:
a shift. So give us some really practical guidance there. Like what's the advice and what can they do?

Vasavi Kumar:
First thing I wanna say is that confidence is not a feeling. It is not a feeling. I don't feel confident every day, but I am skilled in confidence because confidence is a skill that you can build and you build that skill by doing the thing that you don't think you can do. You build that skill by saying the thing that you're afraid to say, period. And when you have enough evidence in your body, hey, you know what, I've done hard things before, I've done scary things before. This is just another thing. This is just another thing. It is not a feeling. You are not gonna wake up and all of a sudden feel confident. You become confident by doing the thing that you do not think you can do. That is it. So what are you not doing? Where are you not taking the action? Where are you not prioritizing yourself? Where are you not expressing your boundaries? Where are you still doing things that exhaust you? Who are you still hanging out with that depletes you? Be honest with yourself and then take the necessary action. You know what you gotta do. If you're not doing it, you're gonna keep feeling crappy about yourself. Because now you're aware that there's this thing that you're not happy with. There's this thing that you're like, I wanna do this. And you're not doing it. So you are living an incongruent life. That is not a recipe for confidence. That is a recipe for low self-esteem and low self-worth. So if you wanna be confident, do the thing that you wanna do. And do it scared. Nothing's, you're gonna be fine. You haven't even given yourself a shot. to even see what you're made of, see what you're made of and then talk to me. Go take the action, go through the experience. It's not the end result that matters. It's who you become in the process. That is how you build confidence.

Sue Dhillon:
Hmm. I love that. And you said that so confident. No one can doubt your confidence girl.

Vasavi Kumar:
No, no.

Sue Dhillon:
I That I love it and I love how impassioned and

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank you.

Sue Dhillon:
You know you embody it you embody it and it's almost like this Shift that's happened where you really are. You're not playing around anymore

Vasavi Kumar:
I'm not

Sue Dhillon:
because

Vasavi Kumar:
playing around.

Sue Dhillon:
you know,

Vasavi Kumar:
I'm

Sue Dhillon:
right?

Vasavi Kumar:
not playing around. I'm not playing around. I've been there. Thank you for saying that about the embodiment. Everyone's been saying that on interviews. It's, I don't need to scream it. I don't need to say it loudly. I just need to say it. And when it comes from a place of being, there's, it's just clear. Like I'm not very emotional when I say it. I just say it because it's not emotional for me. It's like life or death for me, right? My life, I ruined my life trying to. please somebody else, I ruined my life. And I don't feel bad about it. I don't have shame around it, but I ruined my life. 10 years of my life, gone, 30s, gone. And I'm not saying I haven't learned, of course I learned the lessons, of course all of that. So yes, I'm here now, speaking from a place of, we don't have time to play around. And so I speak to. that 30 year old listening. I speak to that 47 year old who's listening to this and it may be in a toxic relationship. I'm speaking to that person who is suffering in silence because I know what that feels like.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh, I love that. And now tell me, you know, the book, like, how did this come about? Like, at what point were you like, you know what, I got to share this. I've got a message. I need to help uplift some other people who are down and out.

Vasavi Kumar:
This is a really funny story, I'm glad you asked. So my original book proposal, which I wrote in 2021, 2021? Yeah, like early 2021, was all about how women should stay single. I had just gotten through my breakup and that's what was on my heart. Women should stay single, stop waiting to be saved. It was an angry book proposal. And I was rejected by seven agents. And I mean, I don't blame them. But I was on an Instagram Live with a friend and her and I, she knew one of my agents. The agent that I have now, Wendy Sherman, who's wonderful, the person I was doing an IG Live with, she also knew this agent, Wendy, who rejected my proposal, by the way. Wendy happened to be catching an IG Live that I was on. This is why it's important that you stay visible, that you're always out there and you're speaking your truth, even if people reject you. And... The woman interviewing me on the IG live was like, Massivey, do you journal? I said, no, I don't journal. I say it out loud. I talk out loud to myself. And so Wendy heard me say that. And so she reached out to my friend and she was like, who is that woman? She is so bold. And my friend was like, you rejected her proposal. And she goes, well, listen, her proposal wasn't good, but I like her. So we got on the phone, got on a Zoom, and she'd asked me to talk to her about... What does that mean? Like you talk to yourself. I go, yeah, it's like verbal journaling. I talk to myself. I talk and I respond back to myself. And then we met up with one of the editors at New World Library, who just who I signed with, and we brainstormed this book, Say It Out Loud. And I said, okay, well, there are different parts to us and every single part of us has its own voice. So I'm gonna teach my reader how to talk to the different parts of themselves. And that's how I wrote the book.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my God, I love that. And you know, I don't know, I'm going to sound a little ignorant here, but I know there's some sort of scientific backing about, you know, this part of the brain, how it processes differently when we say things out loud, right, versus

Vasavi Kumar:
Mm-hmm.

Sue Dhillon:
writing it down

Vasavi Kumar:
Yeah.

Sue Dhillon:
or just saying it in silence. So there's this kind of like really, it solidifies it for us in a way when we... you know, say it out loud, but you are like preaching it out loud, which

Vasavi Kumar:
Yes.

Sue Dhillon:
I just love.

Vasavi Kumar:
Well, you know, in our society, first of all, let me say two things. In our society, there's like this running phrase, right? It's OK to talk to yourself, just don't respond back. And I'm suggesting to my readers that you respond back because someone's always listening inside of you. There are different parts of you that have been silenced because you thought maybe those parts of you weren't acceptable. Someone told you, oh, tone it down. So that's the first thing I'm asking my reader to do something that's quite risqué because in our society, mental health. highly stigmatized, you know, as someone who's lived with bipolar disorder for 21 years. I know the amount of stuff that I've heard. People say really nasty things, especially, you know, anxiety, ADHD is a lot more acceptable. People with bipolar disorder, we have really kind of the shit end of the stick with how we are viewed in our society. So that's number one. The second thing that I want to say is, you know, it's a normal part of cognitive functioning and development. Children, when they're young, talk to themselves out loud. whether they're learning to tie their shoelaces or trying to learn a task, children, they literally mumble out loud to themselves. They talk to themselves out loud, but as they get older, it's like, oh, don't do that, that's weird. Don't do that. And so that outer dialogue now becomes our inner dialogue. And on top of that, we're already absorbing the messages of everyone around us. Don't cry too much, don't yell too much, don't be like this, don't accept this gift, don't let people know that you need help, don't ask for help, you should do this on your own, be strong. You know, so we not only internalize these messages that we're receiving from adults who are quite limited in their communication, but, and then we limit ourselves because we've absorbed the limitations of other people. And so if you want to break free from those limitations, you got to talk to yourself and respond back and find out who you are. Find out who you really are before someone told you who you should be.

Sue Dhillon:
Hmm. Oh Vasavi, this is okay. So again, I want to just commend you for what you're doing. There's so many aspects to this that are just so awesome because one, you are saying it out loud boldly and you're embodying that and you're living that and you're leading by example here, right? And then two, this, you know, sharing about your mental health stuff, you know, openly, candidly. that's helping so many people, right? Because this idea, like you say, oh, people say, oh, you might be crazy if you're talking out loud or whatever, but it's like, no, that's, everybody does it. We all do it and you're solidifying this. And let me ask you, is, you know, with the success that's coming from the book and you out here speaking and sharing this message and being bold about it, How is that helping you on a soul level? That's gotta be doing something for your soul.

Vasavi Kumar:
What a great question. Well, as someone who was criticized and scrutinized pretty much her whole life, I was not raised with praise. I was not raised with praise at all. It's not very common in the Indian culture to praise kids because we don't want them to get too arrogant, you know? So we don't praise them. We just hyper scrutinize and criticize them. It's really weird. It's really weird to be receiving this much praise. It's really weird to be celebrated this much. My nervous system is like, wow, okay, we're doing this, but I'm ready for it. I'm ready to feel this. I know what I've gone through to get to this point. So I'm ready for it. I'm ready for the criticism. I'm ready for the praise. My goal is to stay neutral throughout it all. I will not get too elevated if somebody praises me. I will not, I will not shame myself if somebody criticizes my work. It is what it is. I have to stay true to me. So on a soul level, it's very freeing, feels good. Feels really good. And for the inner child, my inner child who, you know, really just as just exuberant, magnificent young little girl inside of me. She's very happy. She's the reason why I'm bold. The my my, you know, my I say this in my acknowledgement section. If I can read this, I call

Sue Dhillon:
Yes.

Vasavi Kumar:
my inner my inner child. Well, my family calls me Vachi. They don't call me Vasavi. So this is what I said. I said, Vachi my inner child. Thank you for nudging me to shine more brightly encouraging me to have more fun and trusting me to protect your heart. Never stop nudging me. You're the reason why I boldly say it out loud. So I give a lot of props to my inner child because, and the young girl within me, because she didn't have a care in the world what people thought of her until she started to listen to everybody else. So this is really huge for me on a soul level.

Sue Dhillon:
that is beautiful and you know that is so powerful that you're honoring your inner child because I think that's where the you know everyone kind of loses their true authentic self right as we start aging like you say as we start listening to the criticism but um you're the little girl inside of you is healed

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank you for saying that. I've never actually thought, I've never actually said she's healed, but I've received that. She is healed. Wow, that felt so good to say out loud. She is healed. We are allowed to heal and say we are healed. It's okay. We can say that. My inner child is healed. Wow, that felt really good, Sue. Thank you for saying that. I received that.

Sue Dhillon:
God, that's awesome. I love it. I mean, it seems that way. And the fact that, you know, you wrote it on her behalf because you're coming out boldly and speaking in ways that, you know, that was your true authentic self again, before the world, you know, tainted you. So that's amazing. You're coming back to that vibrant little girl. And I just I love that. I think that's so cool.

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank you.

Sue Dhillon:
So what is next for you?

Vasavi Kumar:
So, I've been working with clients one-on-one for 11 years, right? As a licensed therapist and as a coach, that's what I do. I also have done a lot of TV work. I've been a TV host, like I said, lifestyle expert for 10 years. And what's next for me, after the book comes out, the book is my body of work. The book is the basic foundation of the work that I do with clients. Because the first thing I'll say to any client when they come to me with an issue, any issue, I say, what are you telling yourself about the situation? What are you telling yourself about yourself? So. For me, I'm like, okay, there's a pivot happening here career-wise because I'm not necessarily accepting clients in terms of this type of work, self-talk, because I wrote a book about it now. So this is the prerequisite, if you wanna work with me one-on-one, if I even accept one-on-one clients. But what's next is I've created an eight-month training program, not a coaching program, a training program, because in a training program, guess what? You're actually practicing. So I have an eight-month training program called Bold Voice that's coming out where... We're gonna be working on the energetics, but also the mechanics of what it takes to be a powerful and bold voice. And then speaking, which I already do hosting. I host parties and I just, I really love holding space for a lot of people and have fun, bring that fun, energetic side to me. I love consulting and yeah, I'm also a voiceover artist because I love using my voice. I even narrated my own audio books. So super excited about what's to come in my life.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my God, that is so awesome.

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank

Sue Dhillon:
Well,

Vasavi Kumar:
you.

Sue Dhillon:
okay, a couple of things, I'm gonna have links to all of your stuff. And I just wanna say, I love your story and it's so amazing. I feel inspired and I know there's gonna be so many great takeaways for other people. And I just thank you so much for your time today. You've been so awesome.

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank you, Sue. I appreciate all your great questions and I really love what you just said about she's healed because I, yes, she is. Thank you.

Sue Dhillon:
Yes, she is. And now, if there were one message you would like to leave everyone with, your hope for everyone out there, what is that closing message?

Vasavi Kumar:
Your voice has the power to heal your life. Your voice has the power to heal the parts of you that you thought were wounded and broken and damaged. And your voice has the power to help you create the life that you want. So say it out loud.

Sue Dhillon:
Oh my God, I love it. You've been so awesome. Thank you so much.

Vasavi Kumar:
Thank you, Sue.