You Are Enough With Allison Guilbault Blossom Your Awesome Podcast

You Are Enough With Allison Guilbault Blossom Your Awesome Podcast

Allison Guilbault is a licensed therapist and mindset coach who helps women stop feeling like they are not enough in the bedroom, in the mind and in life. Her specialties are anxiety, trauma, sex and intimacy.

She is the founder of A Note From Your Therapist. 

Alison Chabot, a licensed therapist, shares her journey in mental health and forensic psychology, working with survivors of trauma and offenders. She emphasizes the importance of understanding self-limiting beliefs and the impact of social media on our mindset. Alison provides practical guidance on shifting mindset, overcoming shame, and practicing self-love. She encourages individuals to find community and support, and shares her upcoming projects, including a book and podcast. Alison's closing message is that everyone is good enough and should walk into the world with their head held high.

Takeaways

• Understand the impact of self-limiting beliefs and work on shifting your mindset.
• Be mindful of the content you consume on social media and curate your experience to promote positivity.
• Practice self-love by engaging in activities that support your personal fulfillment.
• Seek community and support to combat feelings of isolation and loneliness.
• Remember that you are good enough and deserving of love and acceptance.

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Transcript

Sue (00:02.806)
Hi there. Today on the show, we have got Allison Guilbault here with us. I'm so honored and delighted to have you here. Welcome to the show. Thank you.

Allison (00:11.342)
Thank you so much for having me. I'll be so excited to be here.

Sue (00:14.706)
I am so excited, Allison, to get into your remarkable story. Your background is just incredible. So you are a licensed therapist. You're on a mission to help people break free from shame and self-limiting beliefs. I just love that and help your clients find relentless self-love and empowerment. But your background, it's amazing. You have specialized in forensic psychology. You were at Rikers.

prison with people in solitary confinement. You've done so many different things. It just goes on and on. Now give us the backstory. Also something I love here that you do is you work with the queer community and a lot of, it seems like communities that are kind of outcasted and don't get the help and care that they need. So.

Allison (00:55.758)
Yeah.

Allison (01:07.522)
Yes.

Sue (01:11.334)
Give us the backstory, how and why, why this particular community, all of that.

Allison (01:17.79)
Yeah, so I started my career in mental health, largely because I myself, I think a lot of therapists probably experience this, but I struggled with my own anxiety and my own mental health struggles. And when I went through, primarily high school and college, I really didn't know where to look for support. I often tell this story when I was 16, I had such a bad panic attack that I landed myself in the emergency room. And at the outcome of that, no one, you know,

offered me medication, no one suggested that I see a therapist. It was just sort of like, hey, that was a bad night. Good luck. And I, after that experience, became really interested in psychology, interested in mental health. But I knew I wanted to do a little more than just, you know, run of your mill, you know, quote unquote, shrink. And so even in high school and even in college, I got really interested in, originally,

sort of like, you know, kind of like the SVU type, right? Like we watch those shows now, that type of forensic psychology, where I was really interested in helping survivors of primarily sexual assault. And so when I went to college, now, like present day, there's tons of beautiful programs for forensic psychology, criminology, back in 1999, we didn't really have so many of them. So I went to NYU and I...

studied psychology and at the time it was called women's studies, now it's much more appropriately called gender studies. So I double majored in just really understanding human sexuality, mental health issues, psychology, and that kind of kick-started my career. When I came out of college, I went for my master's degree in forensic psychology.

and I took a position at a hospital in New York City in an emergency room, and I was trained to be one of the first responders inside of the hospital from a mental health standpoint. So if someone had survived either a sexual assault or a domestic violence incident, they would come, obviously they're meeting medical professionals, they're talking to the doctors, there's your nurses, but I was the person that would kind of show up immediately and just try to meet some of those.

Allison (03:36.438)
you know, more emotional needs, get them to feel safe, talk them through it. Sometimes people would just want to sit in silence and that was okay too. But at least there was some sort of a support there. So that's where I started.

Sue (03:49.134)
Wow. And you know, this is so interesting, Allison, because being a therapist is one thing where people are kind of dealing with maybe long term trauma or processing something from their childhood. But how unusual and different to I've actually this is I've talked to so many therapists, but this is a conversation I've not had right with a therapist, like you say, you're arriving and you're there in kind of like the height of

Allison (04:08.502)
Yeah.

Sue (04:17.05)
something that they're still processing.

Allison (04:19.582)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And especially by the nature of the work I was doing, so again, sexual assault and domestic violence, a lot of the times, particularly with domestic violence, by the nature of domestic violence, it's someone they know, right? It's typically a partner or a relative or a parent. And so you have big feelings on that, obviously, right? So...

You know, my job there was to just really be whatever they needed me to be. So, you know, sometimes occasionally someone would really want to talk and they were like ready to, you know, take a different action than they had maybe previously done. Maybe they did want to talk to the police this time or they did want to go into a shelter. You know, people who had survived assault, sometimes they wanted to talk to police, sometimes they did not. And really it was, you know, as a trauma therapist, I think trauma often takes away our empowerment.

Right? Like by the nature of trauma, we don't really feel we're in control. So my job, as I kind of look back and reflect on it, I think was just kind of giving them a pass to decide what they want. Like there was never a pressure. If they didn't want to talk to me, that was OK. If they don't want to call the police, that was OK. If they did, that was also OK. And so I think I hope that, you know, the program that I worked for was really helping these individuals just be able to.

sort of try to rely on their own intuition and their own decision making and just know that whatever they decided, it was the right decision because it was their decision. And then, you know, the aftermath of that is I would set them up with a program, give them an opportunity to, you know, meet someone who was gonna be longer than me. I would only see them in that capacity. So I didn't, you know, really ever see them again. I'd be able to follow up, you know, through the program. But, but yeah.

Sue (06:15.714)
There's so much coming to me right now, Alison. And I think it's just, you know, for one, and I can imagine people aren't always ready to speak in the like heightened state of like panic or whatever. But I think having, because this is a lot of times the last thing you think about like, oh, I'm gonna need counseling or somebody. But I think it's so remarkable to have someone there, whether they're ready to speak or not, because it kind of...

Allison (06:17.804)
Yeah.

Allison (06:23.85)
No.

Sue (06:42.022)
helps you in some way, I would imagine, realize that, okay, there's some kind of support here for this or I will be able to heal through this.

Allison (06:50.847)
Yeah.

Yeah, exactly that. Yeah, so that was, you know, for me a very powerful experience. I did that for a long time. The reason I stopped that job was you had to live in the vicinity of one of the major New York City hospitals and I moved to New Jersey. So you know, it was just a logistical, literal move that took me away from that job. And I while I was, you know, I was doing that, I was New York City bartending on the side to help pay for my master's degree.

where I learned a lot of my active listening and just like quick response skills. I actually learned more from bartending than I did, I think from my therapy programs. But I ended up working for the FBI while I was, I wrote my thesis, my first thesis through the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the behavioral science unit. And I wrote my thesis on the homicide of sex workers. So again, sort of still was really in this space

doesn't always get acknowledged, there isn't a lot of resources put towards. And so I did that. And when I came out of that program, right, and I earned my master's, because I had done so much research for the FBI, because I had a really strong, I had some strong clinical skills because I had been working at the hospital and I worked for Planned Parenthood and I worked for several other places. But I also had a really large research resume.

And I got, my goal was to get into the FBI. I did, I ended up not taking the position, but I became actually a private investigator. And that was not what I had set out to do. It was an opportunity that just found me. I worked in corporate investigations and eventually worked for a company that worked with the government and would come at companies, typically pharmaceutical companies that were

Allison (08:49.214)
mislabeling their drugs, doing off-label marketing and things like that. And so that career actually took off and I had quite a lot of success, but I had one of those very cliche breaking points where I was just sitting in a meeting, working, had success, had corporate success, had a good salary, and I was just miserable. And I was sitting in this meeting thinking like, what the hell am I doing? This is not...

what I'm passionate about, it's not what I care about. Yeah, okay, I'm good at it, but I don't care. And I left that meeting and decided I was gonna change my life. And part of the work I do now is kind of helping people that might feel stuck in their jobs or stuck in their lives move out of spaces that just doesn't intuitively feel right for them. But yeah, so I quit that job pretty abruptly with absolutely no plan.

I went back to happy hour bartending in New York City and I decided to go back and get a second master's degree. At the time when I was looking to get licensed, the first degree that I had actually wouldn't license me. So I had to have a different program. So I worked with my school, was able to go back, take up the classes that I had missed. And at that point, because I had written my thesis, they didn't want me to write a thesis, they wanted me to do an internship.

which by the way, if you're age 32 and having to go back for a free unpaid internship, not always the most fun experience. So I decided if I was gonna really use it, like be really intentional about where I took that internship and something that had always interested me was I was understanding what happens on the survivor side of trauma. I was not, didn't really have any awareness on what's happening on the offender side. So I took a job.

at Rikers Island, which is a, you know, almost like infamous jail in New York City. And, you know, they placed me, so this wasn't a strategic decision, but where they placed me was an all-male unit in solitary confinement, where everyone was diagnosed with some sort of a, they call it SMIS, severe mental illness. So, you know, people that were schizophrenic or maybe had borderline personality disorder or antisocial.

Allison (11:08.65)
Personality disorder or something like that. So that was my next, that was my next venture.

Sue (11:15.414)
Wow. Well, I just I truly I think it's so remarkable and it speaks volumes to your success now and just this kind of broader understanding and then I think this ultimate desire to want to serve the less spoken for less accounted for less right, the kind of under served people. So let me ask you now. How was that transition and

Allison (11:33.302)
Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Sue (11:45.554)
What did you get? So I'm asking you so many like multiple questions right now, because it's all like me. But so you know, this experience that Riker's working with the other side, because so often, like you say, we're just kind of focused on the survivor, but not realizing that this other people like bullies, they have trauma and people who do stuff, right? So what was that deeper insight for you there from that?

Allison (11:49.802)
That's okay, hit me.

Allison (12:06.926)
Sure. Yeah.

Allison (12:13.174)
Yeah, I think that was a lot of it, right? So, you know, I can say this without excusing anyone's behavior, right? But sometimes, you know, I'll back up. I used to often think like, okay, if I grew up in a home without access to resources, good housing, proper modeling, a good education, like where would I be? And, you know, privilege is a real thing. And a lot of the people that I worked with,

just had, like no one had ever, no one had ever talked to them, they didn't even have resources, no one's talking to them about emotions, had a channel anger, right? What to do with choices that they're making. And it just occurred to me that I just don't think anyone can do their best, be their best self if they have access to nothing. So it kind of, my career took a turn after that because that is where I started to focus on like, okay, who are the people out in the world?

that might not have access to traditional care, who might actually be willing to gain insight, learn things, right? But that just aren't being offered it. And right after I came out of Rikers, I actually moved to, I moved to Sorolango for a little bit, and I worked with the National Institute of Mental Health there. But when I came back, I took a job at an agency called Cases in New York City. And their entire mission is that they would work with people who had been committed of non-violent felonies.

and they would offer them a whole team, so there was like seven of us on the team, of people and try to see if given access to substance abuse counseling, mental health, I was the mental health therapist, mental health counseling, all sorts of resources, would it change whether they went back to jail or not? And probably no surprise here, it did, right? So, you know, there are some people that will not change their lives, more people than not did.

improve, better their lives, get connected to jobs, and did not end up back at Rakers Islands. So that again, more awareness, right? Like part of my story is just becoming more and more aware with each and every one of these positions and just seeing like how we all are trying the best we can and we just do better when we have support. So ultimately I moved to private practice, which is where I'm currently at today, but I really have tried to gear my practice towards

Allison (14:40.526)
communities that typically haven't had as much accessibility, right? So I work with sex workers, I work with so much of the queer community, particularly a lot of trans clients, and I even work with people that are in open relationships, in marriages, and the byline between all of those is just the access to care is more limited, right? That to find someone who's affirming for their life, their lifestyles is, you know.

A small percentage, right? I have access to all sorts of therapists, right? Because I live a pretty traditional life, but not everybody lives that life.

Sue (15:22.278)
Well, I commend you. I think it's so remarkable. Again, you know, you always hear about like the rehabilitation and they're really it sounds like the work you were doing with this agency cases I think you said it was that sounds like real rehabilitative work right where this is what people need after being incarcerated But they just fall through the cracks. It seems most

Allison (15:34.027)
Mm-hmm.

Allison (15:37.932)
Yes.

Allison (15:42.314)
Mm-hmm.

Yes, they do. Right, I mean, if nothing changes, nothing changes, right? If we just chuck people back into society with nothing more to learn from, to lean on, yeah. They're gonna repeat the same poor decisions.

Sue (16:01.834)
Wow. Okay. So now talking about the work you do today, I have a question here. So, you know, so often with self-limiting beliefs, what is it, because you see people, like you say, you know, privilege is a real thing, but you see people who, on the face of it, seem like they've got, you know, opportunities, they came from, you know, good households and had a good education.

Allison (16:06.858)
Yes. Yeah.

Allison (16:13.023)
Mm.

Allison (16:22.914)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Sue (16:29.914)
but still manage to find a way to limit themselves. Right? And a lot of times, and even just in conversations I've had with people, I know who they haven't had severe trauma. They haven't had a bunch of childhood wounding. So what is going on there on a deeper level?

Allison (16:53.666)
It's such a good question. You know, our inner monologue, like yes, if we've had some deep rooted childhood wounds, attachment styles, right, trauma, probably our self-talk is not gonna be so great. But the correlation doesn't work exactly in the reverse of the other way, meaning I could grow up without trauma, I can grow up within a good household and still have negative self-talk. And an awareness to me, and I tell this story a lot, but I'm like embarrassed to admit it a little bit.

But I was on social media and I saw some influencers, you know, post and it was naming, it was a therapy influencer and it was naming what high functioning anxiety looks like. And with all the degrees I had, I had never really understood that term or quite frankly even heard it. And I had this enormous aha moment, right? Back when I was 16, I was having panic attacks that were landing me in the emergency room. Present, you know, 10 years ago, that was not the case.

but my anxious self-talk was still powering so many of my decisions, right? From the outside, I lived in New York City, I had a ton of friends, I was in a good relationship, I had a great job, but internally, I was powering all of those decisions by thinking I was not good enough, right? So like, I was always the first person to show up work, I was always the last person to leave, I had terrible boundaries, right? I was picking partners in relationships that weren't necessarily aligned to what I...

really needed because I didn't think I deserved any better. Right? And it's that, like those are the self-limiting belief systems, right? When we're just, wherever you've gathered it from, right? Just, you don't have to have trauma to have gathered messaging, right? So something I hear, you know, from moms, for instance, I work with a lot of mothers, and it's like, it's very common to hear you put your kids first, period, right? And so a mother who maybe doesn't have good self-care, it's like, well, she's picked up a lot of messaging along the way.

that self-care is for everybody else but her. And that might just be like operating at the back of her brain and she doesn't even really realize it. So we collect all sorts of things like that throughout our lifetime. And if we don't have awareness to it, it can really suffocate us, can really immobilize us, make us make poor choices.

Sue (19:07.154)
And what are your, what is your take on, I feel like social media is such a huge, you know, can be for some people with a negative thing that probably affirms a lot of those self-limiting beliefs.

Allison (19:12.91)
Hmm.

Allison (19:18.313)
Mm-hmm.

Allison (19:24.042)
Yeah, absolutely. You know, in like business coaching, people will always say that they'll go through your social media and do like a business audit. I always joke with my clients that I wanna go through like a therapy audit, right? I wanna see who you're following. I wanna see what you're posting. And you know, so much of the information that we're receiving is actually contributing to our negative self-talk, right? So for instance, so much of what is presented on social media is actually filtered, right? Most people, most filter.

And now we don't even realize that it's beyond a filter, for instance, right? It's like maybe they're slimming themselves down, they're stretching themselves out, right? So now if I'm like getting ready to go to the Bahamas and I wanna wear a bikini and I'm looking at all these messaging, which really isn't even potentially accurate, I might feel like trash about myself, right? The other thing is with relationships. Think back to Christmas just passed, right? How many posts did you see with like couples and matching pajamas, right? They're holding hands, they're kissing in front of a Christmas tree.

It's like that is a little snapshot of their lives. Nobody posts on social media the like blowout fights they have with their partner or the time that their kid was screaming at them, right? So it's like we have this very filtered highlight reel into someone's life and then we base ourselves. Like we forget that part, right? We're not like, oh, okay, well, that's just a snapshot of the life that isn't really representative of truth. It's like, why isn't my relationship look like that? Why does it my body look like that? Why am I not that successful, right? And that...

absolutely I think can contribute to how we feel about ourselves for sure.

Sue (20:54.706)
And now, what is that practical guidance there? What is, I knew it's mindset. So if there's something practical, how do we make that shift happen? Where does one begin?

Allison (21:00.647)
Mm-hmm.

Allison (21:06.826)
Yeah, it's a great question. So my social media handle is a note from your therapist and I always encourage people, go look at who I follow. Like hit my followers and you will see that I follow nothing but positivity. And you know what, I'll take that word a little bit differently. Not necessarily positivity, but licensed people who are talking about mental health. People who are really talking about mindset work. People who are talking about body positivity, body neutrality.

I don't have anything on my account that makes me feel bad. So if you're at like a starting point, just notice how you're feeling, right? If you're scrolling through social media and you see a post and it doesn't feel good for you, that's your own intuition. That's your own chuck-edge-in-light saying like, I can block this person. I can mute this person. I can unfollow this person. We don't have to be obligated to follow someone that's not making us feel good.

Right? So it's like, we can curate our experience that makes it more empowering. It just like feels warm and fuzzy in our hearts. And that's like typically what I do, you know? I'm just like, okay, that one doesn't feel right to me. Unfollow, no big deal. Right? You can even unfollow your friends. It's okay. They can serve a purpose in real life in another way.

Sue (22:23.534)
I love that, that is such great practical advice. And I so believe this, Alison, I do this. And sometimes when I have friends that are down and stuff, I'm not a therapist, but watching and listening to positive stuff, it makes a difference. Virg is like the gloom and doom. So people, like let's, a hypothetical scenario here, like someone who is just consummately stuck.

Allison (22:39.028)
It does.

Yes.

Sue (22:53.718)
in life. Like, you know, they have their moments where, okay, they'll follow some positive people, they'll listen to some inspirational stuff, but then they're back to it. What's going on there? What's happening?

Allison (23:06.61)
Yeah. So, you know, I'm kind of a nerd about brain science. I'll give you like a 10 cent speech on brain science. But the more we think something, the more automatic that thought becomes, right? And so our patterns die really hard. The example I always give is think about some place you drive regularly, your house, you know, from your house to your kid's school, to work, doesn't matter, your best friend's house, whatever. You don't think much about that. Think about brushing your teeth. You don't think much about that. Shampooing your hair, you don't think much about that. Why?

because we've done it so many times, it's just operating in the baseline, right? Our thoughts do that. So if we're thinking, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, right? I'm always a failure, I need to work harder. That's just operating in the back. And so even if we kind of switch our mindset, right? If it's like a Monday and we're like, okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna think positive today. That is not enough to overcome all of the messaging that you've heard or all of the times you've practiced the other stuff.

So it's really almost like, that's why I use the words relentless. When I talk about to people, I say relentless empowerment, relentless self-love. It's like, you just have to keep showing up and it is effortful, right? It's like this self-love diet is not easy, right? It's hard to rewire our brain. It's hard to think new thoughts. It's difficult to realize when we're stuck, but our brains actually will start to catch up, right? So, you know, something I say to myself is, my anxiety lies to me, right?

because before I'd have an anxious thought and I'd like lean into that and I'd get all worked up. Now I've practiced at enough time where I start to notice my anxiety and like, ah, I just sit lying again, I'm cool, right? And now with enough practice and time under my belt, that's actually become a pretty easy skill for me, right? I can notice when I'm being self-deprecating, I can notice when I'm being, you know, kind of like stinking thinking, and I can choose to move my thought in a different direction, but that only comes with awareness and it only comes with time. And so that's usually why I'm...

bias is health, but I usually say talk to a therapist, right? Because they're gonna, you can do it on your own. It's just gonna take longer. And when you have support there, when someone's really saying like, hey, you, what are you thinking? Where did you get that idea from? Right? My mom always told me women can't have careers. Okay, how do you believe that? I don't. Okay, we're gonna start to practice every day. I can have whatever I want. And so that's what I think is kind of going on is just.

Allison (25:32.162)
that old patterns are dying really, really hard or they're not being worked on at all.

Sue (25:37.77)
Mm-hmm. So do you believe, it sounds like you do, but affirm this for us, that people can get over stuff, like with the right guidance and, you know, sticking with it?

Allison (25:42.024)
Mm-hmm

Allison (25:51.638)
Absolutely, absolutely.

Sue (25:56.034)
And now talk to us about shame. This is, I feel like people just have such a hard time letting go of things.

Allison (26:02.854)
Yeah. Yeah, shame is a very tricky emotion because the nature of shame means that we don't talk about it, right? Someone is gonna be extremely resistant to the idea that they're gonna speak out and say the word's something that's world, something that they feel really shameful about. So it becomes a really internal, like I'd say like toxicity, right? It's very heavy to wear and...

You know, when I talk to particularly anxiety clients, but when I talk to anybody, I'm a huge believer in mindfulness. And for me, what mindfulness means is I'm acknowledging what's happening and I'm not judging it, right? A lot of the times with shame, we not only feel it, but then we judge it, right? Like I feel terrible that I did that thing. I said no to my friend's party, but I shouldn't though. So it just almost keeps compiling and compiling and compiling. And then we just feel.

like garbage and if you drop into your body in those moments when we're feeling really shameful, it's like probably our breath is labored or our head is hurting or our shoulders are up, right? Like it doesn't feel good. So, you know, trying to let that go and that goes back to that messaging. I'm doing the best I can. I'm entitled to make mistakes. I'm a human being. I'm going to make mistakes, right? That can start to kind of whittle away at.

feeling shame, because we can feel shame everywhere, right? We feel shame in our careers sometimes, or our family lives, things we did 15 years ago, certainly in the bedroom with our body, right? Like there's all sorts of ways that someone can experience the feeling of shame, but I just don't think that there is really ever almost a utility for it, right? It's just, it will just keep you stuck. So it's just like, this is what I did, or this is how I feel. I'm gonna acknowledge it and I'm gonna release it so that I could get to the underlying thing.

Sue (27:51.542)
And I'm sure you hear so many things where we're always our own worst critic, right? Somebody could be live with shame of something that's would be laughable compared to something more shameful.

Allison (28:04.566)
Yes, absolutely. Right? And a lot of the time our shame has to do with our core values, right? So for me, something that I feel really shameful about is like if I forgot to show up to something, right? I would feel very shameful there because for me, my core values are loyalty, being dependable, right? So sometimes it's like, okay, well we can be...

Sue (28:10.203)
See you.

Allison (28:30.462)
I can be dependable and still make mistakes, right? That's not something shameful, it's just a truth, right? So, you know, kind of looking at what the core value is too, I think helps.

Sue (28:41.062)
Oh, I love that. Now, self love. Can you give us some guidance here? Because again, this is something I think, like you say, so often people struggle with, right? They're so busy loving everyone else or not feeling worthy. So what are some good practices or give us some practical tips?

Allison (28:54.306)
Yes.

Allison (28:59.518)
Yeah, so I think when we talk about self care, we most often think it's like something aesthetic, right? Like you're gonna do a facial, you're gonna go get a mani, you're gonna get a pedi, you're gonna get a massage. And those are all great, you can do that, but it's really deeper than that. So for me, the way I describe self care and self love is really making sure that you're doing things that support your personal fulfillment. And this became very clear to me in COVID.

So I, as a therapist during COVID, I have a lot of clients. I saw people all the time. And I would say to them, like, okay, well, the world shut down. What do you like to do? Let's try to get creative. And what happened, what I discovered, is most people actually didn't know what they like to do. They know what they do do. They go to work, they take their kids to school, they do whatever. But when I'm like, no, forget all that. What do you just enjoy? They can't name it. So I think when we're talking about self-love and self-care, that's a beautiful starting point.

And I had someone give me this advice and I thought it was brilliant. They were like, go back to the beginning. Before the world took you away, what did you enjoy doing? And for me, when I answered that question, the two things that came very clear to me is I love to swim and I love to dance, right? I loved that as a child, before I felt pressure, before I felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. So how can I recreate that now?

Well, I joined a pole dancing studio. I go there once a week. It's a place where I can just go and move my body with no judgment. That's just for me. No one else is there. I mean, other people are there. No one I know is there. I also, I say I put a pool in my backyard. I put the word pool in quotation marks. I put a tub of water in my backyard with a filter. But in the summertime, I can step in there and move my body in water. Those are things that are super important to me.

Right? And you can create, you can just get creative on whatever that is. If you love arts and crafts, get a coloring book. If you love music, attend a concert, buy a new CD, right? Find a new band on, you know, Instagram. There's just ways to kind of remember who you are. Right? Just like you personally, you.

Sue (30:56.038)
Thank you.

Sue (31:05.59)
I love that guidance, Allison. Now talk to us about, you know, what do you think it is ultimately that keeps people stuck? Is there like one commonality that if people could just break free from that, they'd be able to kind of progress or be free?

Allison (31:31.794)
Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean, the commonality is the talk, but here's like the thing that I hear the most often. Like here's the negative self-talk that I hear. I can't, I'm too old, it's too late. Right, so those three thoughts are, I think, like our biggest sticking points, right? And it's like, first of all, I can't, not helpful, right? And I always say like, what if we don't say I can't, we just say what I'm trying to do is difficult.

Right? Like the opposite is that I can't is necessarily just like, I'm going to get it, but just let's just open the door to possibility that it's potentially achievable if I get creative enough. Right? I'm too old. No one's told for anything. It's too late. Time lapses what no matter what we do it do with it time continues. Right? So, you know, I like to use my own self as an example, you know, I left my corporate job and took a happy hour.

position when I was 32. I went back to school. I don't have family that financially supports me. I took out a major loan. Scary, scary thing, but it was not too late and I was not too old, right? I got married when I was 40. I'm now starting, I have my own business. I appear on podcasts like you, thank you so much. I'm writing a book. I'm doing all sorts of things that I never thought I could have.

accomplished and if I told myself it was too late or I'm too old or I can't well that's it there's nowhere to go then right so those three those three big ones just really trying to break free of their truth because they're not true it's not true old people do brilliant things people who don't think that they can do something find out that they are so much more have so much more capability than they ever dreamed right like

We are resilient, right? We are adaptable, we can grow, we can do stuff. And so it's just kind of swinging into that mindset.

Sue (33:32.834)
I love that. And I love how you embody what you share. I can tell you've watched and listened to a lot of positive stuff. Now, what about somebody, what is your advice to that person who feels alone, who feels like an outcast, you know, people who don't feel supported in a larger, in the larger world out there?

Allison (33:38.924)
Hehehehe

Allison (33:42.464)
Hehehehe

Allison (33:58.314)
Yeah, it's a beautiful question. You know, I can appreciate if you're already feeling isolated, if you're already feeling insecure, if you're already feeling lonely, that it is so difficult to take that first step, but there is community everywhere, right? So, you know, if you, again, just get creative, right? I mentioned that I take pole dancing classes. Those women at that class, those classes have become.

some of my best friends and I moved away. I moved in COVID, I moved from New York City to a very rural part of New Jersey where I knew absolutely no one, right? But I found community through dance, right? So, you know, people can use their spirituality, churches, right? They can use workshops and these things don't necessarily take money, right? Like there's libraries that offer free workshops, right? Join a running group. There's online communities. I have a client who, you know, was feeling really, you know,

alone and she didn't have many people. And she started going on Discord and playing video games and chatting with people and ultimately created this beautiful community of friends, so much so that she actually found her partner and moved away, right? So it's just like, people are out there. And the thing I've learned the most is people want connection, right? They want to feel seen, heard, loved, supported. So if you haven't found your people yet, let that word yet.

be really powerful because they're out there. People wanna support you, people wanna get to know you. It just does mean taking that uncomfortable step out, right? But, you know, think, go back to what you like, right? If you like running, join a running group. You like reading, join an online book club on social media. There's ways.

Sue (35:40.914)
That is great advice. Now, Allison, so tell us what is, I know you mentioned a book, so tell us about that. Tell us what's coming up for you this year, what you're working on.

Allison (35:47.991)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. I'm working on a book. It's, it's still in the works right now. So, and this is like, you know, I believe in like manifestation plus effort, right? Equals dreams come true. So I'm not only manifesting my book, but I'm actually, you know, putting words to paper. And it's going to be on, you know, women empowerment, all the stuff that we just talked about, you know, a really kind of like more practical advice and deeper, deeper look into just how to live a better life. But presently,

I also have a newsletter that I write once a week. It's my passion project. It's very near and dear to me. I joke that it's like story time meets tools, right? So, you know, again, if you're looking for community, I post events in there. It's called the Inner Circle. It can be found on my website at anot slash inner circle, but anot has plenty of information on there. And I am launching my own podcast. It's in the works and it launches in, oh my.

two weeks on Valentine's Day appropriately. I'm trying to make it very self-love based. And it is called Becoming Unstoppable. And it's gonna be on all the places you find the podcast.

Sue (36:59.434)
Oh my goodness, I love that. And I will be sure to have links to all of your stuff. So a couple of things first and foremost. Alison, you were so awesome and so insightful. And I just loved this conversation. I feel like we were just kind of scratching the surface here. I'd love to have you back on and maybe we can deeper dive on one of your specialties. So just want to thank you.

Allison (37:00.048)
Yeah.

Thank you. Beautiful.

Allison (37:18.893)
I would love to. Yes, absolutely.

Sue (37:25.734)
Thank you so much for your time. It was so wonderful.

Allison (37:29.89)
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I would love to be back.

Sue (37:32.974)
Oh, I love that. And now in closing, you've already said so many amazing things, that if there were just one message, your hope for everybody, what is that closing message you want to leave us with?

Allison (37:41.72)
Mm.

Ooh, it's cliche, but I'm gonna say it, because I love it. You are good enough. Just walk into this world with your head held high and just know that you're good enough. That's it.

Sue (37:55.078)
Wow, I love it. That is such a powerful closing message. You've been so wonderful. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Allison (38:00.994)
Thank you so much.